No Regrets

 Quote: "Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you can’t be both wise and young. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics." – Stephen Colbert

I have something to admit.

I think I relish in making bad decisions.

I like making mistakes. I like making things harder for myself. I like going out on a school night. I like showing up to work just a little bit buzzed. I get some kind of sick pleasure out of nearly kissing an ex girlfriend before texting my actual girlfriend.

Why?

Because before long, this won’t be okay anymore. 

(Ok, it’s not ok now)

But there’s a certain acceptance in doing these things. It’s college. I’m young and dumb and learning. I seem to learn every lesson twice because the right thing isn’t fun and it’s almost never easy. I’m not ready to grow up yet. Of course, I can only fight it for so long.

This might end up being my last semester living on campus. I won’t be able to enjoy the freedom I’ve so often taken advantage of in the past. I almost got kicked out of housing last semester due to poor decision making skills and alcohol. 

I’m so obsessed with relishing every single moment of what remains of my youth. I went away to school for the college experience and I need it. 

Four nights ago I pulled up to a McDonald’s drive through with three of my roommates. My trunk stuffed with two 30 packs and three liquor bottles. We were blasting TLC’s "No Scrubs" making the drive through attendant laugh and hand us our fries with a smile. We blasted Big Pun’s "Still Not a Player" for the rest of the ride and I found myself thinking, how often would this even happen after May? There is nothing overly significant about that night or singing along to 90’s hip hop, but I made sure to take it all in. Sing a longs, drunk or sober, are rare after a college graduation.

I’m soaking in every song, every tagged facebook picture, every shot, beer, every poorly executed kiss and even the hang over. I don’t want to regret not doing anything. 

Unfortunately, all of this leads to some short time regret.

I get to drunk and suddenly a girl is kissing my face. I let it slide and attempt to dodge her the rest of the night. I have a girlfriend. I like my girlfriend.

I also have an ex living down the hall who likes to stare at me with her big blue eyes and wonder what could have been.

I don’t know where I’ll be in a few months or who will be with me.

I’m excited.