Night on the Town

Quote: "The secret of a good life is to have the right loyalties and hold them in the right scale of values." -Norman Thomas

Low expectation is key to surviving winter break. Just last week I was laying in my room with little hope at all that anything remotely exciting would happen to me. Things turned after I got my grades from the semester back, much better than expected.

I don’t exactly know how we managed to all be in the same place at the same time, different people in my life who normally don’t associate somehow finding their way together through mutual acquaintences. Snow covered every front lawn, roads slick with ice. I know because after 3 shots I didn’t quite make my landing during an ill advised chest bump. My right palm is bruised, lower back aches occasionally. Verdict? Worth it.

I’d be lying if I told you that before that night I’d been lonely. I missed the way things were which blinded me from seeing how things could be. I have great friends. Deep down I knew this, but Saturday night proved it in unexpected ways. I noticed it first when escorting Kristina out to the front porch. It was snowing at this point, mostly flurries. Our conversation barely begun I saw Corinne peering through the open door. I’d been under strict rules to never hook up with her again. To ignore her for the night. Concern myself with other things.

I shooed them away but felt my heart warm in the cold. It was a safety precaution, not a cock block. It was unnecessary though, I swear. I stood on the front porch with the beautiful blonde who had broken my heart.

"We talked about heavy things," I stated, referring to Halloween. "Things I don’t tell just anyone, things you haven’t said to anyone else and I want you to know, if you needed me, I’d still be there."

She nodded, telling me she knew. "This isn’t me trying to get you back, if you told me right now you wanted to be together, I’d turn you down. Truthfully I’m not sure I’d ever be enough for you."

I hadn’t said it to be mean, but I saw her face change. "I love you Kristina, I don’t think it’s in an in love with you way, but I love you." She whispered that she loved me too before I kissed her cheek and returned to the party.  I’d find out later that only a few moments had passed before Mike, a relatively new friend I’d aquired had politely told her not to screw with my head anymore. It sounds petty as I type it, but it’s the kind of thing that has made me loyal to the guy for the rest of my life.

I really needed to have a little too much to drink with some good friends. I needed to be made aware that even when I’m not looking there are people who show concern for me.

I hugged Kristina at the end of the night, unsure as to what we were and what was to become of us. For once it hadn’t been my focus. Instead I was drinking with the boys, smiling at flashing cameras, cheering, drinking. Living.