Finale

Quote: "Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes, a farewell is necessary before you can meet again and meeting again after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." -Richard Bach

My bags are packed (for the most part) and I’m ready to go (I think).  I will be moving in 7 or so hours. In the next 7 hours I need to finish packing, ignore the freaked out feelings, and sleep before hitting the road. The entire week has just been one giant goodbye. One by one my friends have come and gone, each goodbye unique.

I sat inside Staples with Nick, each of us sitting in a desk chair. We told stories, all of them hold. We just don’t hang out the way we used to. I’ve barely spent any time with him this summer and I don’t think I’d realized it until we were buying notebooks while saying our goodbyes. This will be the first time since kindergarten that Nick and I will be attending different schools. Since I’ve gone on leave from Target, we won’t even have our jobs keeping us together. Our goodbye wasn’t schmaltzy or emotional. We didn’t shake hands or hug, we never do.  
 "I’ll see you…" and I found myself trailing off because as I exited his car, I realized I had no idea when I would be seeing my best friend again.

I spent the night before talking to an ex girlfriend. I thanked Danielle for encouraging me to look for schools that weren’t county. I needed to talk to someone who knew me, to reconnect with someone familiar before I entered a world of strangers. We spoke of my future roommate and the questionable living conditions. I wished her luck, knowing she’d be staying in town. We wished eachother the best in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot before heading our separate ways.

Corinne was the only one to stop over the day before I left. At the end of summer party she’d accused me of leaving her. It wasn’t like that, I’d explained.
 "It pretty much is," Was her only reply.
We’d spent enough time discussing the fact that I was leaving, we mostly just talked normally, acting as if I wouldn’t be moving in less than 24 hours. I’m both flattered and frustrated by her lack of support. On the one hand I love that someone misses me enough to want me to stay. On the other, I want her to be excited for me, something I’ve yet to get from her. I walked her to her car just the same, promising to text her as soon as I met the roommate.

My sister stayed up extra late tonight. I told her stories, confessed to drinking alcohol before turning 21 and listened as she shared her own secrets. I leaned in for a hug before she went to bed, but we pulled away almost instantly. We don’t hug.

I’m going to miss my mom who will offer a hug and a sincere but quick goodbye. My father who will extend a hug while fighting back tears. Not tears of sadness, they’re okay with me leaving. It’s more a pride thing. They’re incredibly excited and proud for me and my next step.

I’ll leave my parents, my friends and my home in less than a day’s time. I’m terrified, anxious, exhilarated and ready. While I pull away from the house I’ve lived in for 20 years, I’ll have no idea what’s to come. I made assurances in each of the goodbye’s described above that thing’s would be okay, that we wouldn’t change. To be honest, I have no idea what living in a separate town will do to a 15 year friendship that was weakening even when we worked and went to school together. I can’t promise Corinne that I’ll be home on a regular basis, but I swear I’d be there when she calls. I’m unsure as to what living away will do to my current family dynamic. Anything is possible. Who’s to say the upcoming changes will be bad? My entire life I’ve feared the unknown. When I pull away from my house tommorrow morning, it’s more than just an end of an era. It’s the beginning of a new adventure.