You called me bitter so I’m proving you right

I’m sorry, that last entry was supposed to be private. I just needed to type something while I tried to ignore Mom and Mollie.

Well, if it wasn’t obvious things have been shit. Not really, but I make them that way. I don’t want to explain what happened because its the same thing that has been happening over and over and over.

I feel like shit. I have no energy (a side effect of being afraid to excersise around anyone? Yes, I think so). I get headaches on a regular basis and by the end of the day it hurts to drag my body around.

I’ve been keeping very quiet at home. If they’re going to talk about me then I’m not going to let them believe things are okay. I say only the bare minimum to my mom to get by and always make sure to let her hear the exhaustion and emo-ish tone in my voice. I don’t talk to Mollie at all. Dad is never home anyway so its no problem not talking to him.

Mom asked if I was alright today and then Rolla asked at lunch even though he knows I hate when people do that.

I just want to curl up in a ball.

Today at lunch Rolla asked if I was Christian. Tamara told him, "no, she’s a Catholic."
Fucking hell I hate religion. First, Catholics are christians and anyone who thinks differently is ignorant and should be kicked. Second, Rolla goes to my church and the question he meant was if I believe in God. I don’t know what to believe. I want to believe in a higher power, but it scares me.
Tamara also told me that if I am in fact Catholic, I’m a bad one. She didn’t intend for that to be mean, but it was. By all standards I’m a terrible Catholic, but I went through two horrible years of questioning my faith for that fucking church so as far as I’m concerned I’m a fucking amazing Catholic.

I’m taking it as a really bad sign that I’m contimplating religion. I haven’t done that in over a year and I was perfectly happy not thinking about it.