You Deserve… *

 I have been thinking today— and granted I am sure most people think all the time 😉 — but really, I just can’t help but think about all the events that have happened over the course of the past 2 years.

2010 is coming to a close, the seasons have changed and brought on this both cold and blustery winter, thus far. I remember where I was two years ago, around this time…I was a bit lost, still hurting over losing the love of my life, and still recovering from living on my own. Scared that I was not going to do well at my job, nervous that I would lose connections with friends who have drifted, insecure all around. Then 2009 hit, I vowed to myself that the year would be different. It was I have met some great friends and things started improving for me, I even took the first steps to becoming healthy for me, because lets be honest normally people do it because they want to be better for someone else, and when I finally started to feel good about myself, somethings happened and honestly I am back where I was last year at this time. I am not upset that the events that took place did, its life, but I am upset at myself for losing my motivation.

I seem to always be able to find support, comfort, advise, love, compassion, and even motivational tips (at times) to others, but for myself, I get stuck.  I love the person I am. I am caring, loving, giving, trusting, supportive, friendly, and honestly I have SO much to offer to others, but I can’t seem to just let that show.  I want change, and complain when I can’t get it— like most people do– and here I come and vent about it.

I feel when someone deserves something they need to know about it… 
You deserve to feel happy with life — just because others have left you or things are rough doesn’t mean you can’t live.
You deserve to be loved — I truly have let my heart fall into the hands of another, and no matter the amount of time that passes I can’t seem to fully take it back.  Its rough, and withholding from myself. I want to love, I want to let others in, I want to be with someone that makes me feel good to be me with them.  I am tired of rejection, or fear of it, but its what life is. I know there is someone out there for me, but its frustrating when you truly believe the one you were meant to be with isn’t with you… It will happen, and I am going to be patient, but it sucks being alone, especially around the holidays.
You deserve to take time for you — Giving is wonderful and rewarding. But its also important to give to yourself. You can’t be happy if you aren’t able to be allow yourself time.
You deserve to feel good about your accomplishments — Not having everything you expected to have at this point is not bad… its just an alteration in your plans. Live life knowing that you accomplished things, not the failures that let you down from time to time.
You deserve to have good friends — Just because you have known someone for years, or have given then your friendship in times of need, gives them no right to take advantage of you and your heart… nor you the right to justify them doing so. Learn to stand up to "friends" when you need a friend and they abandon the role.
You deserve to not be hidden — There is never a time when you being a secret "someone" for something is acceptable behavior. Don’t justify current actions, because in the past they were acceptable at that time. You are wonderful and whether friendship, relationship, love, or family.. Be you and be visible.  Because allowing yourself to be hidden, only allows you to stay inside of yourself.

Guess I just needed that today.

*edit*
I am a bit irked today. What is going on??  I just don’t get why you sign up to be a member of a Social Enviroment, to come back in say "I am not that social and don’t want to game with others"… Now, don’t get me wrong— to each their own, but I paid for the membership for next year, and was expecting you to bring the games today to the meeting (as you said you would this morning) now I am going to go to the meeting (with out games) cause you decided you don’t want to be around people to game.  But instead want to stay in and game. Not mad that you chose that, just wished you said something on my lunch, and I could have grabbed the games myself.