Messages

He just keeps messaging me. And I don’t know if he is just trying to still be in my life, or if he doesn’t remember the texts we sent where we broke up.

Me: I have to walk away

Him: (some bullshit) Yeah, we need some time apart.

Me: Okay

Like, does he not remember this??? And I’m over here, still pissed off for the way he spoke with me that led to that conversation. He still hasn’t apologized. He hasn’t even acknowledged what he did. He hasn’t created a space for us to talk, for him to LISTEN, or anything. He thinks whatever he is going through somehow justifies his behavior.

And yeah, his mom is dying. I GET IT. But this isn’t just some one off random incident. It is EIGHT FUCKING YEARS of my life that I’ve wasted! Waiting for him to knock this shit off.

Didn’t I explain myself clearly the last time? Yes. Yes I did. Didn’t I tell him specifically, “Not one more time.”? Yep!!! I did!!! So I’m angry, while I care for him, all at once, that he has the audacity to think I’m just going to be there for him despite his treatment of me… of us. Just… threw it away, again. Point taken this time. Really. I get it now. He’s too fragile to deal with literally anything, and especially the hard shit.

And you know what? Fuck em. I thought for years I’d find a man stronger than me, maybe a shoulder to cry on, someone to lean on. But nope.  It’s all me. I got this. Just get out of my way.