Day 18 – So Close & So Far

Taking it one day at a time. My sweet boss told me to eat the elephant in bites, because it won’t happen all at once.

I’ve been taking the largest bites possible though – by bugging the other programs for call backs and updates. I can tell they don’t like it, but honestly I don’t care. I really want out. And I can’t sit and wait for a call back, I need to know about progress, otherwise it’s easy to fall through the cracks.

Today, at lunch , some ladies got into an argument about language in front of the children. Some people don’t realize that being in DV shelter with angry women (with little supervision) is not the time or place for trivial confrontation. Loud obnoxious women who don’t clean after themselves or watch their kids often strike me as the type of wreckless individuals who don’t care about what other people think.

These are the unspoken prison rules. I’ll probably write a post later about the weird ass rules that no one tells you – I’m still learning them.

Lots of new faces, which just means more possiblity of getting the covid and longer lunch lines, more angry women. Can’t blame them though, I was pretty shook up my first week.

Today’s dinner was left over bbq from Sunday. No sodas or burgers, just meat and beans and fruit. Kinda good – at least it’s not the mystery casserole or the hard spaghetti with Italian seasoning and small sausages pieces. That’s the worst. We had milk today so I snuck baby girl some cereal and milk – she’s so picky, she’ll refuse to eat if it’s not what she’s used to having.

Today was productive working from home & with progress. Work up early and met with Karen, got more applications filled out, finally reached the home program that’s going to help with beds and furniture! I cried when we got off the phone with them, hope is very real today.

But so is the realization that my marriage is over. It’s bittersweet really. I’m happy to be gone and honestly, I wish him all the best in life, I can honestly say I truly love him, but I love my children and myself more. Feeling not safe and understanding the abuse has changed my feelings towards him. I feel for him like a wayward family member.

I’m drowsing off, can barely keep my eyes open. Sis is using our contraband tv and brother is quiet in the phone. Think I’ll sneak in a nap, I’m going to visit you all on OD soon – I just gotta go dream about my coworker and fantasize about a healthy marriage. Don’t worry, I’m not even entertaining the idea and getting into a relationship is so very low on my list of priorities.

But it’s okay to dream sometimes.