– Texas Explained! –

Hopefully this won’t offend too many people in Texas and I had best do a little bit “a splaiin”.

Middle BIL R lives in Texas and has lived there many years. His four sons, three DILs two grandsons, grand daughter, step-granddaughter, step grandson-in-law and great grandson in-law also live in Texas.

If you are confused, don’t worry about it. I am too.

Middle BIL R works as an over-the-road, long haul trucker

He stays in contact with everyone by cellphone and email. When he is overnighting somewhere or at home he is constantly on the www.

He emails everything to everybody. AND I MEAN EVERYBODY.

The To: and CC: boxes include the entire NYC & LA phonebooks.

Should I see FW in the subject box, I automatically delete the message. One of these days the Wife-Unit is going to learn to do the same. Her email address book has been high-jacked a couple of times and has gotten several viruses and worms from Middle BILs emails. Youngest BIL automatically deletes Middle BILs emails without opening them. I would guess that I delete 99.99% of them without opening them.

Most of the time I send the ones I don’t delete to a separate folder and then run them through Norton before opening.

Below is one of his emails that I didn’t automatically delete and actually read da hole thing

What Texas Means To Texans

I’m a thinkin’, that, I might have been too long in Texas. When I went to the Houston Symphony’s Christmas Party, a couple of weeks ago, outside of Jones Hall, there was a Nativity Scene. The three Wise Men were decked out in Fireman’s outfits. Boots, helmets and all. I thought that was a tad goofy; but, then I thought about it. The Bible says that those boys came from a far. When I contemplated that a bit, I’m surprised that there wasn’t a hook n ladder truck out there instead of those smelly camels. To understand Texas, especially Texas politicians, there are 10 things you should know about Texans. These 10 facts will explain a lot. Too bad I don’t have one of them Texan/English dictionaries, that so many of the books down here come with. That’d hep y’all understan what I’m sane. Be sure ya git one if ye ever drive down here. All kidding aside, when I first got to Texas, the first man I worked for was a dyed in the wool, real live, Texas Native. I couldn’t understand much of what he said, until I was down here for about 6 months.

1. Many of the people who moved to what is now Texas in the 1820s and 1830s were illegal aliens from the United States who sneaked into what was then the northernmost state of Mexico. That includes some of my friend’s ancestors.

2. Texas was originally much bigger. Right after the Texas Revolution (1836) it included parts of several other future states and extended all the way up to Idaho. Texans have never forgotten!

3. For 9 years Texans had our own independent country, the Republic of Texas. One of the first things they did was expel the Indians. How mean was that?

4. The Republic of Texas legally reserved the right to secede when it joined the United States in 1845. Our, uh, esteemed (or steamed?) governor apparently remembers that—if nothing else. He does not seem to remember how badly things turned out when we last tested that theory in 1861. (Hint: Civil War. Confederacy. ‘nough said.)

5. People like guns here—even non-Texans who just live here. I mean, people really, really like guns here. So be real careful who you get mad at you, if you pay the state a visit.

6. Hunting is sort of a sacrament—right after football and pickup trucks. A lot of people just plain like to kill things. They consider hunting and killing things, a God-given right.

7. Right up through the Viet Nam war, Texas had contributed the most soldiers to every single U.S. war since the Texas Revolution. We might still hold that record; Haven’t checked lately.

8. Texans love to drive—fast—and consider it another God-given right to do so, like…well, like hunting and like carrying a gun.

9. We love our state, consider it unique, and take great pride in being Texans. “Don’t mess with Texas!” Yes, that phrase was coined to stop littering, but it stuck around because it expressed something primal about us.

10. There are a lot of smart people, a lot of dumb people, a lot of mean people, and a lot of crazy people in Texas. Unfortunately some of the folks in charge fall into all four groups. Doesn’t that just explain a whole lot about certain political events in recent years? Yeah, I thought so, too.

I think that I am going to send the Middle BIL the bill for the seat belts I am going to install on my computer chair.