– I Think I – –

Sunday January 9, 2011

Surprised the excrement out of the Wife-Unit yesterday!

Yesterday, Saturday morning I was rousted out of bed a little after the ungodly hour of 9:00 A.M.by that instrument first patented by Alexander Graham, whatever his name was; (Hey, I’m retired, I seldom have to set the alarm now.)

It was Son #!; otherwise known as Oldest Son.

“Hey Dad, he cheerfully said, is Mom around?” She left a message that I should give her a call!.

GOD, I HATE MORNING PEOPLE!

She’s still in bed I answered.

“OH!, did I wake you, he asked?

“Does a cat have a posterior, (Or words to that effect) I asked in reply?”

“Have Mom give me a call on my cell, I’ll be in the office all day” he said.

When the Wife-Unit woke up I relayed the message and asked what it was all about.

“Oh!, says the Wife-Unit, since Sunday is Oldest-Sons birthday I thought that WE’d invite him and L, DIL#1, for dinner. We could make a roast in the slow-cooker.”

I thought that was a good idea and I asked: “What about the other guys (Son #2 and Son #3)?

“OK, says the Wife-Unit, I’ll give them a call.

We knew that DIL#2 would readily agree since she wouldn’t have to cook Sunday Dinner for Son #2, herself and grandsons M1 & M2. Son #3 and his wife are a crap shoot as they usually have their Sundays planned when DIL #3 doesn’t have to work.

Well as it worked out DIL #3 was not working today so that meant that we would have a total of eleven people at dinner today.

A couple of days ago the Wife-Unit showed me a flyer from Jewel Food Stores (Albertsons in some areas) that listed a “Buy One – Get One Free” on selected meats and other items.

Well I Hot-Footed It over to Jewel and picked up four big Black Angus roasts. I also went to Sam’s Club and picked up a few other things, (Mainly from the Adult Beverage Area).

Normally what we do is cut the roasts in half and we can get two meals out of each half for the three of us, Wife-Unit, MIL and myself.

Where and how I surprised the Wife-Unit yesterday was when I cut one of the roasts in half and then peeled and cut up the potatoes and carrots and cut up the celery and onions to go along with the roast; and put everything in the large kitchen appliance that requires a salute (A General Electric Refrigerator).

All that needed to be done this A.M. was load everything into the slow cooker along with two packages of McCormack’s Savory Pot Roast Seasonings and turn it on at the eight hour setting.

Shortly after the slow-cooker was started DIL #1 called and asked if it was OK for her Mother to also come to dinner.

Sure I replied as a body orifice of mine stopped down to f128. Son #1’s MIL has a voice best described as fingernails on a chalkboard. I think I would rather associate with the Wicked Witch of The West.

Basically I made dinner today. Really surprised the Wife-Unit.

I told her that I could survive on my own if I had certain things

1. A can opener.

2. A Mr. Coffee

3. A microwave

4. A slow-cooker.

Needless to say a refrigerator to store the beer would also be necessary.

Shortly after I started the slow-cooker the phone rang and it was the wife of Nephew #2.

We’re going to come over to visit with Grandma, we’ll stop for sub sandwiches, what kind of sandwich do you want?

I put in my order and passed her off to the Wife-Unit who put in her order and the MIL’s.

Nephew #2 was the Family Member most upset last year when my Wife-Unit said “We are no longer going to have ‘Christmas At Grandma’s’ ”.

Well, Nephew #2 had a wake-up call this afternoon.

I wish I would have had my camera in hand to record the expression on his face as his Grand Mother rambled along.

He was totally mystified when she talked about people not paying any attention to what she was saying and that they shouldn’t be doing the things that they were doing.

When she commented that they shouldn’t be driving their cars in the living room is when Nephew #2 realized that she was talking about what she was seeing on the television.

When she mentioned that she had just seen, through the dining room window, her Mother and Father walking up the hill, and having to go over to her fathers and step mothers house to help them do something, Nephew #2 almost lost it.

Her mother died in 1934 and her father died in 1960. Her step-mother died in 1960 a month after the MIL’s father.

The MIL often talks about recently visiting with her four brothers and two other siblings which were still born as if they were all alive and present. She is 93 and the last living member of her family.

If she ever realized that I have to help her sit down on the toilet just about every evening when she has her slacks and underwear pulled down she would probably die of a heart attack.

I have my hands under her arms and my chin resting on her left shoulder. The Wife-Unit wrestles her hand free from the MIL’s walker and slightly pushes down on her right shoulder while I push down with my chin on her left shoulder. That is the only way we can get her to sit down on “The Pot.”

Dealing with someone with Senile Dementia is so much fun – NOT!!!!

Son #2 said tonight that we shouldn’t even think of asking him and his family over on his birthday. It will be Super Bowl Sunday.

Also over today, Sunday was BIL #1 and his daughter, Niece #2 and her five year old son.

Just about everyone in the family has followed my lead in calling Niece #2 “Julie”, as in Julie the Activity Director on the TV show Love Boat.

Her planned 2010 “Family Christmas Activity”: was rock wall climbing and beam walking twenty feet above the floor at a YMCA.

The Wife-Unit and I decided not to go and NOT to take the MIL.

The “Y” was 40 miles from our house and the weather was miserable.

Plus we thought that there was a good chance that the MIL would have a heart attack seeing her grand and great grandchildren scaling a rock-wall and beam walking.

Everyone was wearing a safety harness attached to a “safety line”.

M2, grandson #2 decided he wanted to “Fly” so at the top of the rock wall he deliberately pushed off the wall and swung on the safety line and he was lowered to the floor.

Come to think of it, I probably would have done the same thing.

Nephew #2 was somewhat P .O’d when his cousins Son #1 & Son #2 beat him to the top of the wall and rapidly repelled down to the floor.

All of the above would probably put the MIL into cardiac arrest.

All in all most everyone had a good time.