Hey Everyone I’m Leena
So I’m a bit new here. I’m fairly old, 37, and my life is kind of a wreck. I’ve been making money writing and doing odd jobs and I’ve recently found some success on TikTok. However, I’m really emotionally struggling recently. I never get good sleep. I wake up with a sinking feeling in my gut and chest. I can barely breathe. It’s like existing just hurts. I wanted to be able to just vent my furstrations maybe as a healthy outlet, and maybe meet some people who have shared my struggles. I won’t all be doom and gloom, but a way to get out of my head would really help.
Recently I’ve found myself needing to take a break from TikTok because of how frustrating it’s been getting. I havent gotten the hits that I’m used to. And I don’t want to just pander to people. Plus I was recently the target of a harassment campaign and that made me really lose passion for it. But it’s stilla primary source of income for me. So it scares me to ever take a break.
I like to play video games but to be honest I havent found that I have the focus or just the emotional fortitude to do so. Everything I do seems too big so I just sleep all day and I know it’s bad.
I talk to my therapist about it every week but nothing seems to help.
I feel broken. I just don’t know how to fix myself.
You’re positively ancient! (I’m 68). Sounds like classic depression, which your therapist should recognize. I don’t know what you do on TikTok, but social media can’t be a lifelong career. The public’s tastes are too fickle. I’m also dealing with depression, but I take medication for it. I’ve had to reinvent myself several times over the years, new job, new hobbies, etc. If you have friends, meet up with them as much as possible. With the pandemic, that’s been difficult, I know. Don’t worry about affirmation from other people. Just do your thing as long as it gives you pleasure.
@solovoice Thanks for replying. So here’s a short background on me.
I used to be a full time journalist for 17 years but my outliet came under new management during the pandemic. Fired everyone. Erased their work from the web. So it made it difficult to find a new gig.
I ended up neeing serious surgery last year and while I was in bed recovering I ended up doing TikToks which exploded kind of suddenly. Mostly its about science education and nerd stuff.
Also, during this time one of my friends… did some inappropriate things to me sexually. Anyway, when he was confronted by that most of my friend circle turned against me. I have a few but I quickly found myself mostly friendless, jobless, familyless (for other reasons), and alone in the middle of a pandemic. So… life’s been pretty difficult.
but I’m trying. A lot of times it feels like I’m in a dead end but I’m trying.
@leenaangelwing Sounds like you have reasons to be depressed. I’m a former journalist, too, though it was many, many years ago. Our newspaper is a shell of its former self, having been taken over by Gannett. I’m estranged from my brother and sister, basically my only family outside of my wife and daughter and a few cousins. I have one good friend who I talk with about once a month; the couple we used to spend time with moved away, so I understand completely. I’m sorry about what happened to you and I’m thankful that I don’t need to date. What was “appropriate” or at least expected and tolerated is quite different from today (and that’s not a comment on your situation, just an observation)! What’s your TikTok channel or whatever it’s called? I have it on my phone, but I rarely use it unless someone put it as a link on Facebook. My daughter is a year older than you. 😉
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You are only middle age! I am ild
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37 isn’t old friend.
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