Who I am and where I want to go

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in the last few weeks about who I am and where I want to go.  I realized today that I don’t really have an answer to either of those questions.  I think it’s finally the right time to get my patriarchial blessing, but it’s like I don’t feel worthy and I just feel…completely unworthy – like no matter how hard I try to be worthy to receive it, I never will be.  I’m going to do some heavy duty praying and see if that helps.  I know it can, especially if I have the faith that it can.  *Sigh* I’m just feeling rather down in the dumps at the moment.  This week went on far too long, and then there was the phone call with Ali on Friday and then my complete lack of productivity today.  And then I graduate five weeks from tomorrow.  I’m not ready for my life to be turned upside down – which is exactly what will happen post-graduation.  I had some of these same issues surrounding my high school graduation, but  but the magnitude and scope of the changes facing me now are much larger than they were 4 and a half years ago. 

I really feel like I don’t know who I am or where I really want to go.  I feel like I can’t know where I want to go if I don’t know where I am – who I am.  If I don’t understand who I am, how can I understand the person I want to be and what I need to do to get there?