Vaguely Dissatisfied

First, I chose the undecided mood…it seemed the best one to fit my mood today.  I’m not sure why vaguely dissatisfied seems to come to mind right now but as it is and as it seems to be somewhat of a good descriptor of me right at the moment, that’s today’s journal title. 

Work actually was okay, even if I was working 10 hours today instead of my usual 8.  It’s interesting that I feel better starting at 6am and working til 4:30 than I ever did working from 8 to 4:30.  It sounds like I may be able to swing 7-3:30 once this stuff with 6-2:30 ends after Labor Day.  However, I did get to work this morning to discover that I couldn’t find my badge to get into work (we’re a security locked facility).  So I had to call up to my lead worker to have her let me in and then later go down with her and get a temp badge for the day.  I prayed that I’d find my badge and then forgot about it as I had other things to do…Midday someone I’d never heard of at work emailed me and said they’d seen my badge hanging up at the nearby Walgreens – I’d stopped there after work yesterday. My badge must have fallen out of my purse.  When I saw that email, my first thought was of giving thanks to Heavenly Father for answering my prayer.   So on the whole work was good. 

I stopped by the eye doctor to see if my glasses were in and if my brother’s contacts were in and I made an appt to see the eye dr again for my dry eyes – it’s Thursday at 5.  It was better today, but still like it was a few years ago unfortunately. I suspect I’ll end up on Restasis again.

So here I am, sitting at the kitchen table – alone in the house- and feeling vaguely dissatisfied and not really knowing why.  And so I don’t know what to do to fix it.  There are some obvious things I can do to combat it, one of which I’m doing now…but still…the other big one I’ll be doing shortly.  I think part of it is that I’m still learning patience.  The quote on patience I mentioned on Sunday but could’t find is listed below in the footnotes.  I’m particularly having trouble with the waiting for the man I’ll marry.  I know I’m not ready to marry him tomorrow, but I suppose Heavenly Father believes I"m not ready to meet him and he’s not ready to meet me.  That translates to doing what I need to do to become ready to meet him.  Still…while I’m doing those things, I’m not a very patient person.

On a side note, I’ve journalled now for 17 days straight – a real accomplishment for me.  I’m determined to keep going. 

""Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His. We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God’s purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable."
–Elder Neal A Maxwell

 *added later*

As I sat reading my scriptures and reading about Lehi’s Dream, I began to wonder just how I got so lucky to have been born into the Church.  Of all the families, of the situations, of all the countries, I somehow was born into a part member family where I had the opportunity to learn the Gospel. I was born in the United States and to a well-off family.  I’m not sure there are adequate words to describe the gratitude I feel.

"Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."