Transition to Wellness

I’ve spent much of the last 18 months trying to find my bearings. A dual diagnosis of anxiety and bipolar disorder will do that to a person. No that my moods are relatively stable, I’m finding that there is a whole new set of challenges that comes with “stability” or “wellness.”

No one tells you how to move past worrying about every good or bad mood. Every good mood day isn’t the onset of a hypomanic episode. Every bad mood day isn’t the beginning of a depressive episode. How do you move from being afraid of every blip to simply being aware? I’ve learned that until you stop being hyper aware, it’s difficult to live your life. Until you make the transition from hyper aware to simply aware, it’s difficult to have a fun dinner out with friends or have a movie night where you spend more time making fun of the movie than actually watching the movie.

There’s a balance to be had, for sure. If you’re not aware enough of your moods and emotions, you could end up back in the black hole, or high as a kite. Too aware and you miss the life you’re trying to reclaim. The closer I get to balanced, the more pieces of my old life I’m able to reclaim. But just as finding stability took work and time, finding the right balance will too. But it’s worth it, because I want more dinners out with friends and more nights of laughing at silly movies.