This was why I scheduled the appt last week…

This is why I had my counseling appt scheduled for last week.  I knew I’d need to deal with 4 weeks worth of issues so that I could handle the after-spring break rush and not have a nutty.  Instead, my counselor had to cancel and the first open appt she had isn’t until the 23rd of April.  As I’m sitting right now, I’m freaking out…well sorta.  I’m definitely not in a good frame of mind.  Oh, and that open appointment is smack dab in the middle of a bunch of insanity.  I’m trying now to figure out how to deal with the rest of the semester without freaking out.  What’s more is that it looks like the low dose of the med doesn’t cause heart issues, but isn’t high enough, while the high dose is doing some good but is also increasing my heart rate some.  Part of that increase might also be my freaking out.  No breathing problems, but I am trying to take deep breaths to calm down.

*Sigh* I just want to go through life and not feel like an idiot at every turn.  One of the reasons I try so hard not to screw up (or feel like I screwed up) is that every time I do, I also feel like such an idiot and so inadequate.

Graduation is in less than 9 months and I don’t feel ready for that.  On some level I want to be out on my own, but mostly it scares the crap out of me.  I don’t feel like I can handle it.  Truth be told, it’s been a long time since I felt like I could handle something big.  There was a time when I felt I had some kind of control over my life, but right now I don’t  feel like that. 

At the risk of perpetuating the stereotype, my period is coming up quickly.  I have been feeling today like I could cry at the drop of a hat, and that’s not me (except when I’m pms-ing).  I also just had a nasty acne outbreak, and I usually get one right before my period shows up.  Chances are it’s contributing heavily to my current freak out session.  I guess I just want to feel more on an even keel, instead of so up and down.