They “say” they understand…

My parents say they understand.  My parents make these gestures that show that perhaps they understand (the Palm Pilot for Christmas, for example).  And then days like today happen and I realize that they don’t understand and don’t have the desire to ever truly understand….nor, I think, can they ever understand. 

Having ADD means I don’t process information and the signals I receive like most other people.  As a result, being around people all the time and being required to process all the incoming information takes a lot of mental energy.  Truth be told, it’s exhausting after awhile.  It’s hard, adapting the way I innately process things to fit the way everyone else around me processes things.  So what someone else sees as a simple situation or span of time for me can be excruciating.  As a result, I absolutely have to have alone time – time where there’s no one around me.  Perhaps I wouldn’t need as much of that time if there were more people around me that truly understood the difficulties and were okay with me "letting my hair down" so to speak.  But my family (immediate and extended) doesn’t get it and so even when I’m around just my family, I can’t stop processing the way society thinks I should.  My parents in particular refuse to see that ADD is more than simply forgetfulness and severe disorganization.  They can’t recognize that ADD is about the way I process the everyday signals we all receive, from body language to actual words to everything else we process in a given day.  With all that’s gone on this semester, I needed a day where I didn’t have to process everything.  But my parents…my parents didn’t think I deserved that.  They only see the "me" day as selfishness and laziness and not the long overdue mental vacation and recharge.  They can’t see that just because they don’t need that mental break doesn’t mean I don’t need it – they don’t need one, so why should I?

I’m currently in my room, sitting on my bed.  It’s 5:45 and unless it’s absolutely necessary, I don’t intend to leave my room.  I can’t deal with my family right now.  I can’t deal with people who claim to understand, but don’t listen to the fundamentals. 

Imagine, me bawling on New Year’s Eve…no surprise there.