The Lord works in mysterious ways…

For the first time, I feel like it might not be as long as I once thought before I get married.  It’s been on my mind in the last several months for various reasons.  Two people I knew and was vaguely friendly with in high school recently got married.  They graduated with me (class of ’03) and to my knowledge hadn’t been dating when we graduated.  My cousin, who is 6 weeks younger than I am, is getting married this summer in August.  I’ve always thought it’d be awhile before I got married – never had a boyfriend, never had a date, never been kissed…none of that for me.  I couldn’t see how I’d be getting married anytime in the near future (read: 1-3 years).  But over the last few days I’ve been feeling like perhaps that’s not the case.  I’ve always questioned that "motherly instinct" or that "I want a baby" feeling some women talk about having.  I had one of those "baby pangs" last night.  Now I know I’m nowhere near ready for children, but it was the first it had really happened to me.  And thinking about it, perhaps my recent realization that I need to put my life in order is an answer to my prayers regarding marriage. 

I haven’t always wanted to be married in the temple.  Growing up, I had decided I wasnt going to be married in the temple because then my dad and extended family couldn’t be there.  In recent years though, I’ve come to realize that being married in the temple is something I need to do.  I refuse to put my children through the struggles I went through as a result of being in a part-member family.  I love my parents dearly, but I won’t make the same choice my mom did.  But that wasn’t the only thing that convinced me that I need to be married in the temple.  I saw the examples of the brethren in the ward.  Growing up in Young Women’s, the sisters were always pointed to as the examples, but in the last few years, it’s bee the brethren in the ward that have really be the examples to me.  They showed me what I should want for my husband.  Over the last few years I’ve really gotten to know one of the sisters in the ward.  I first got to know her as I was the primary chorister and when she wasn’t doing sharing time, we’d talk some during sharing time in another part of the room (the room is partitioned).  But I truly got to know her because she’s the one who usually plays the piano for me when I sing in sacrament meeting.  That meant a LOT of practice and as she has young children, it’s easier for me to go to her, as opposed to her coming to me.  I felt the spirit in her home and knew that I wanted that same spirit in my home.  The Bishop and Stake President have also been amazing examples to me.  So really, the sisters were great examples to me, but it has really been the brethren who made the difference. 

I find myself hoping I can continue to update my opendiary on a regular basis as my means for keeping a journal.  I’ve never been able to routinely write in a journal for various reasons, but I’d like to keep this one.  I did pay for a membership here (and I like some of the perks!), and hopefully the idea that I’m paying for this will help keep me on the straight and narrow.  I can only hope and try my best.