11/02/2009

As I think about President N as the stake president, it’s a little strange to have a new stake president, but at the same time I know that he’s who the Lord wants.  It’s just a bit of a jolt whenever change happens.  I spent today in one of those moods where I couldn’t help but smile all day and simply be a bundle of sunshine.  I spent a lot of time through the day thinking about why, especially given that it was my last day in Loan Ops.  I thought a lot about it today and realized that at least some of it is spillover from yesterday.  I realized yesterday and today that I truly love the Gospel – and for me at least, how can I not be happy with the Gospel in my life?  With the Lord’s help, anything is possible and that means nothing is impossible. I think it also has to do with what one of the General Authorities talked about yesterday.  I mentioned yesterday that he talked about 2Nephi 25:23, about being saved by grace after all we can do.  He talked about what "all we can do" means and that in this case, almost truly doesn’t count.  I thought about my own life and realized that while I’m doing better than I was 6 months ago, I still fall in that "almost" category.  I don’t want to be there.  I want to be doing all that I can.  So I’m changing my attitude and doing all that I can – and I think that part of my good mood is a reflection of doing my best to keep the Spirit with me always. 

There’s a song from the Ultimate LDS Songbook that’s really been resonating with me (well, there are several, but one in particular I want to share.)  It’s called "I Will Not Be Still" and it’s by Kenneth Cope.  The lyrics are as follows.

I’ve never been the kind to testify
I don’t have the words his truth deserves
But it’s a simple thing he asks
A worthy heart and willing hands
He says if I’ll make the choice
He’ll help me find my voice

He calls me to serve and I cannot fail him
The one who has given me all that I have
I place my trust in him alone
He knows the yearnings of my soul
Because he believes in me
I will go willingly

Chorus:
How can I keep this gift to my self
When i can lift somebody else
I am(ill be) a witness of his miracles and his mercy
I put my future in his hands
Knowing he’s made me all I am
(When) I put my faith in him the(and) truth begins to
speak
His power is real it moves me until i will not be
still

Lifting the hands that hang down in sorrow
Strengthening knees that bend in despair
Reaching the hopeless hearts who do not know his love
Seeing their lives begin to change
I know ill never be the same

His power is real
I trust in his will
I will not be still

My first thought is that it’s about being called as a missionary, but I think it applies to any calling we might have – and any talents we might be hiding under a bushel.  I particularly like the first verse, because it applies to me in a lot of ways.  And it’s a reminder to me that there is more yet I can do in both of my callings.  And so that’s what I’m going to do.  I’m going to find ways to do more.  I’m also going to get back into writing, whether that’s poems, lyrics, or stories.  There’s so much I want to say, so much I have to share and I know He wants me to share.  My patriarchal blessing says "Through you many will have their burdens lifted as you go forth and live the Gospel and share your feelings."  So that’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to live the Gospel and find ways to share my feelings.  There is such joy in my heart, knowing that the Gospel is true. 

I also realized today on my drive home that our new Stake President has somehow been involved in several of my own testimony building experiences over the years.  The first that comes to mind was during Youth Conference my Senior year of high school. He was in the Bishopric at the time and went with us on the trip.  While I didn’t recognized it for many years, that trip did so much for my testimony and he was part of that.  The second was when he was called as the Bishop of our ward.  The Stake President had released our previous bishop and was talking and while he was talking, the Spirit whispered to me who our next Bishop was.    And then a few weeks ago, he gave me a blessing as our home teacher the Sunday before surgery.  Among other things, the Lord promised me (though him) that I’d have little pain during the process and that it would go fine and that’s exactly what happened.  And then there was all that went on yesterday. 

So I want more than "almost."  And it’s up to me to do more than "almost."

"Life is measured not by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."