The One with the Bummer

 Once again it has been a while since I have written. Fear not, I have not written anywhere! I just can’t seem to find the words sometimes. I usually end up here when something has happened, good or not so good. And, true to form that is why I am here today.

I had hoped to take on an additional project at work and now it looks like that is not going to happen. I’ve had a feeling for a few weeks. I was kind of both looking forward to it and dreading it. It was going to be a new challenge and so I was excited for that, but it also has great potential to be a huge headache. As I sit here I am both relieved and bummed. Such a weird feeling.

It will give me more time to study and work on other projects. I am currently in the middle of a huge project right now and it is causing me more headaches than it is probably worth. It is definitely challenging in that there is no clear starting point. I had to find one and now I am trying to make it work. I am letting it go for the rest of the day while I work on getting my June spreadsheets ready to go. I spent most of last week on this project and completely forgot about prepping my new month worksheets. Oops.

I am in a bit of a run in at home life as well. I just don’t feel like doing anything. I haven’t knit in over a week. I haven’t read since I finished Sharp Objects. I bailed on my document organization. I have barely even cleaned my living room. Every afternoon before I leave, I plan out what I am going to do at night and then every night when I sit down, I do nothing. I fell asleep last time I tried to knit. Fell asleep with needles in hand in the middle of a row. I think it is the medication change. I am supposed to be weening off of one medication and have started a new one. Only problem, there was no direction as to how to wean off. I was told to just cut my pills in half. But for how long do I take just half? I took half pills last week and the week before. This week I am doing half every other day. It has totally messed with my sleeping. Sunday, the first day without the medicine, I slept terribly. Last night, the second night, was a bit better, but I still tossed and turned all night. Very frustrating. Because it physically hurts. Every thing aches because of the movement and I tend to stretch and bend and contort my body more, so the next day it feels like a heard of water buffalo ran across me.

I have to have yet more lab work drawn. There is definitely a problem, but they haven’t figured out what it is yet. I should try to run down today and have that drawn. Maybe after lunch. It’s some problem with my liver. The numbers are getting worse. I wish I could trade this body in for a new model like I do my cell phone.

My nephews are a year older, as is my sister. I can’t believe they are 11 & 9 already. They are growing up way too fast. Pretty soon it won’t be fun to hang out with Auntie and Granny. I will miss my cute little Mattias giving me hugs and kisses and just being adorable. Niklas has already changed so much. He is such a little adult it is frightening. Breaks my heart. And my other little nephew Ryker is already 8 months old? How did that happen? I miss my bestie so much. Especially now when I need someone who totally understands me. *sigh*

There are so many things I want. I want to get an UP, but I just got my fitbit and spending another $130 for something similar although better is not being fiscally responsible. I wish I would have researched a bit more. Eh…maybe I will win the lottery and it won’t matter. Or maybe not. I also want to purchase a testing bundle that is $160. I don’t need it right now, but soon…hopefully. Never mind that I got totally hosed on a membership that I cancelled. I paid $57 for three months, cancelled two weeks in and got a whole $7.95 back. Dickbags.

Well I am really bummed out hard right now so I am just going to go have lunch and hope the boost helps get me out of the funk.