Funny Friday
Hello there
sorry i havn’t written in a while but i will let you know that i still check everyones diaryies most days so im still here in spirit!
anyways its friday today and ive got half the day off and then tomorrow i am going camping to canterbury and then get back on tuesday and i go to Rhodes for a week on wednesday woo hoo.
so as you can imagine i dont want to do any work right now so i am going to share with you a few jokes that have been sent to me recently!
enjoy!
After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Fred notices a photo of a man on her bedside table.
At first, he really didn’t give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he.
But after a month or so into the relationship he begins to stress about it, even imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed.
it was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask about it.
Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.
"That’s me 6 months ago
———————————–
Here’s a dilemma for you… With all your honour and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it’s a very important one.
Please don’t answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line – this is important for the test to work accurately.
You’re in Florida…In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You’re trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power and is ripping everything away with it.
Suddenly you see a man in the water, he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.
Suddenly you know who it is — it’s George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world’s most powerful men.
And here’s the question (please give an honest answer):
Would you select colour film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
——————————
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives,
whether they are our own,
———————————–
and ill do another entry with another funny one in i think!!!
xxx
grandchildren,
nieces,
nephews,
or students…
here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control,
you can take comfort from the thought that
even God’s omnipotence did not extend
to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth,
God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was
"DON’T !"
"Don’t what?"
Adam replied.
"Don’t eat the forbidden fruit."
God said.
"Forbidden fruit?
We have forbidden fruit?
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! "
"No Way ! "
"Yes way! "
"Do NOT eat the fruit! "
said God.
"Why? "
"Because I am your Father and I said so! "
God replied,
wondering why He hadn’t stopped
creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later,
God saw His children having an apple break
and He was ticked!
"Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit? "
God asked.
"Uh huh,"
Adam replied.
"Then why did you ? "
said the Father.
"I don’t know,"
said Eve.
"She started it! "
Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "<fontsize=”3″>
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them,
God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve
should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY !
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven’t taken it,
don’t be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children,
what makes you think it would be
a piece of cake for you ?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !
1. You spend the first two years of their life
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God’s reward
for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why
some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact,
they usually repeat word for word
what you shouldn’t have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children’s parties
is to remind yourself that there are children
more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes,
but they are still getting in.
.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE,
DO WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN"
AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!