Dancing my anger out

We talked today again; he texted me, and I answered. I always have the same feeling when he texts me. We laughed again, but at one point we started talking about my habits. He said he knew me way more than I thought, more than myself, and that’s true. I told him about the struggles I’ve had. I told him I hated him. I told him why I hated him—because of how fast he moved on, how betrayed I felt, how madly in love with him I still am, and how much I want to stop crying over him. He said he deserves it, but he wants to help me; he said he wants to see me grow; he said he wants to talk to me to help me. He said he still has the feeling that he misses me, but it’s wrong because he’s with someone. Well, I don’t think it’s wrong; we broke up just a month ago, and of course his feelings aren’t just going to vanish like that; his deciding to get a girlfriend is part of his moving on. I told him how much it hurts me, and he knows how much it clearly hurts me. He asked me if talking to him hurts me even more. The truth is, it does, but it also hurts even more when he doesn’t talk to me. It’s so confusing that I don’t understand it myself. I love him. I freaking love him, and I don’t know how to move on. I had a dance today. I felt like dancing my anger away. I was so excited, and I thought, Well, maybe this will make me happier. We argued and stopped talking. On the way home, we talked again, and that was where I broke down. I told him how I felt; he knows how I feel. I told him I never thought I would be in this position. Who knew loving someone this much hurts? I told him that sometimes I wish he didn’t exist, but if he didn’t exist, I would have found myself happier than ever. If he didn’t exist, I wouldn’t know what love was. I think he would say the same. I hate how life is kicking me right now.