My first “relationship” in Chicago

I want to share my experience and get this off my mind…. I’ll try to sum up 3 months…

Months ago I met a man online . Let’s call him Homer. He was a cop and my friends warned me about dating cops because of their toxic behavior. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and get to know him for him. We hit it off and things were great. He was transparent with me about how he was going through a divorce. Now normally I do not date married men, but from the situation, he explained it seemed like it was in his final stages. He was ready to move on start a new relationship and go from there. His wife was abusive and the relationship was over.  I figured why not we have so much in common a lot of the same interests.  We enjoyed each other’s company and we had so much fun together. I figured he has time since he was finishing up his divorce that we would just take the time to get to know each other. He went from 0 to 115 so fast. He was inviting me to concerts with him and his friends introducing me to them. he went to sturgis and called me every night for a week and even brought me back gifts. He was texting me and calling me nonstop every single day and he was open with his communication about what was going on in his life. He was making  plans for us for the future with going on vacations and doing little events. He was offering to take care of me during an upcoming surgery.  I was super excited but still cautious. As the feeling started to evolve I slowly let my guard down . I felt comfortable. I felt confident that him and I were going in the right direction. He would tell me that he missed me often and would have to see me almost every 3 to 4 days. Things were going great then all of a sudden it started to get weird. The divorce was not in its final stages. The wife was still in his home and the paperwork wasn’t even filed. It started to hit a wall. The text message started to slow down, the phone calls started to slow down, he would make plans and not deliver. When we were on the phone, I could tell he was preoccupied with texting which I called him out on. Through this whole situation I was very open and honest with how I felt. When things were uneasy, and I was having trust issues with him. I would tell him. When I didn’t have his attention, I would tell him. He reassured me everything was ok and that it was important to communicate.  It continue to go in the right direction. He started to refer to himself as my boyfriend, even though we had never had the relationship talk. At one point, he said that we will have the conversation over my birthday dinner. At the  dinner, it didn’t happen. He actually looked at every woman’s ass the whole time and was disconnected.  I mentioned the talk to him and he gave me an excuse. That he wanted to see where things were going and he “felt” like I was his girlfriend.  I asked him to be open and honest with me. He said I was the only one he was talking to and he would be honest. Within the next two weeks from being absolutely amazing went to the bare minimum. The text messages slowly stop, the phone calls were nonexistent, and the communication just wasn’t there. Now I was ready to accept this, but when I talk to him, I let him know what I was feeling and that I didn’t have hope for us.  He reassured me that things were good and he still wanted to date me. He made plans with me and didn’t deliver three times to be exact. On the fourth time making plans I decided that it was the time to disconnect from him completely guess what?? He no showed and didn’t even have the balls to text me or call me.  I had to reach out to him in which he did not answer the phone. So I sent him a text message and said to call me back and let’s end things on a good note. Next morning I receive a message from him.

”Hey, sorry I apologize. Unfortunately I’m experiencing a lot of anxiety and other issues with my current life situations. Not exactly what I expected. Sorry to put you in the situation. Hopefully we could still be friends. I understand if you do not want to be. Have a great day.”

My response …

“

I wanted to end things with you in person when you came over. You haven’t been honest about our situation, your divorce and dating other people. It just took me time to figure it all out. Like I said weeks ago we aren’t on the same page. You knew my intentions for us when we first started dating and you took advantage of that. Hopefully you’ll handle your new situations better. Honesty goes a long way. Especially when other people’s feelings are involved.

I’m not interested in being friends with you.”

his response

“If that’s what you believe and feel then I understand. Sorry it has to end like this.”

I dodged a bullet! I can finally have closure. The situation has made me physically ill for the last few weeks. It’s sad that someone can go from giving 110% to not giving a fuck at all. That’s psychopathic behavior. Even though the door is closed, my feelings are still hurt. This was the first time that I opened up to someone in over two years. I was definitely fooled by him. He breadcrumb me and lied to me the whole time. The good thing is it was only a few months and will be easy to get over. The bad thing is there’s people like this out there in the world and that makes me sad.

Why do people want to hurt other people? Why do people want to mislead people?   Why can’t people be honest?

I will never understand this. I’m just going to be positive!!! Be grateful that I tried! I put myself out there! I was vulnerable! I was honest! I had boundaries! I don’t have any regrets with what I brought to the table. I’ve definitely grown from this!! I just hope that I find somebody with a kind heart like me. I just know it will never be w a Cop.

Back to dating!!! Wish me luck! 🍀