For laughs – Top 10 Pet-Peeves of a Retail Worker

I know, there’s actually 10 and a half… so that’d be 11, but I just couldn’t decide what was better! And yes, I wrote this. I’m sure anyone who’s worked retail and relate

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The Top Ten Pet Peeves of a Retail Worker

10. Yes, there are three registers at my desk. Yes, two people are working. There is, however, only ONE line. There are signs posted that say ‘LINE FORMS HERE’. That does NOT mean there are two separate lines, and when YOU get cut off by the people who have been waiting LONGER than YOU when we ask for the next person in line, it’s YOUR fault. Not Mine.
 
9. Please don’t treat me like I don’t exist. I know that you were the moron who did number 10; however, I do have a name. I did not deliberately treat you like crap and ignore you. Please, don’t report me to my manager. I say this simply because she’ll laugh at you and will not punish me for YOUR stupidity.
 
8. Do NOT cut in line. Not even for a box. Didn’t your mothers teach you common decency? It’s rude and inconsiderate, and I WILL, with great relish, send you to the ass end of the line with the OTHER people who just need a box. I have no remorse for it either. Especially during Christmas time. You are not special and do not take priority. The customer in front of me that is placing a catalog order is my priority. You WILL be my priority when you reach my desk… after you get in line.
 
7. Never, ever tell me that it’s not ME your mad at, but the company. See, you just chewed me out, screamed at me, made yourself look like an idiot and basically made me a shaking, crying mess considering you pointed YOUR finger in MY face and said it was MY fault you were charged incorrectly. Did I ring you out? No. Did I easily offer to fix it? Yes. YOU flew off the handle. Next time I see you; I will walk away and call a manager. You view this as bad customer service? You mistreated me, so I will not serve you again. It’s my human right to decent treatment. I don’t get paid enough to be mistreated by customers when I try my hardest to fix YOUR problem with the company.
 
6. I am a service associate. That means I help you, not that you order me around like your slave. If you’re the idiot who bought baby furniture and didn’t bring a truck, it’s not my job to load it in your little BMW while you supervise. It’s not polite to stand there when you’re a perfectly healthy male, and watch two women struggle with YOUR baby’s furniture. Sure, woman power and all that, but it’s over 400 pounds. We could use a man’s strength to help us. If your furniture is broken, I blame you who didn’t help us. We can only do so much and lift so much… and speaking of service, why the hell couldn’t you carry around a little 4X5 picture frame? What in god’s name possessed you to ask them to take it for a package pick up? You don’t want to carry it around with you?! Why don’t you stuff it in that oversized diaper bag you’ve got, and get over yourself.
 
5. When I am talking with another customer about the fit or color or style of an item, do not take it upon yourself to butt in and ask your own question. It’s impolite. I would think you’re old enough to remember that your mother told you not to interrupt someone. I know I’m half your age and my mother told me that. Simply because I ignore you like a misbehaving child does not mean you should increase your incessant ‘Ma’am! Ma’am!’ I will acknowledge you with more than ‘one moment please’ once I am finished with my customer who obeyed the rules and deserves not to be interrupted.
 
4. Its 8:59PM. Yes, my registers are still open. You can get your catalog order, but do NOT waltz up, toss your bags on my counter where my money bag and checks are lying and proceed to order me about. I have money in my hands. The decent thing to do when I say I’ll be with you in a moment is, oh my gosh! To wait that moment! It won’t take me long to get everything into the register and we won’t kick you out because it’s 9 PM. Do not throw a conniption fit like a two year old because I ask you to wait. There’s a good reason for it.
 
3. Being a service associate, I know a thing or two about how to dress a window. I spent four years in the window treatment department. Do NOT tell me that I’m stupid because YOU’RE the idiot that only wants one sheer on your window. You’re the one who’ll look like an idiot to your neighbors and friends. Not Me. No, all those training meetings that we drive an hour and a half to don’t mean anything. I wasn’t called a skilled and specialized selling associate. Guess my store manager is stupid too, huh? Please consider the advice I give. I am trying to help you make your room a beautiful place. I’m not deliberately trying to make you look stupid. Please, you do that well enough when you scream at me when YOU only ordered one panel when I calmly remind you that IS what you wanted and I had suggested two.
 
2.5. Learn to speak. I cannot emphasize this enough. Articulate exactly what you want or where you need to be transferred too. Don’t sit on the phone going… ‘You know… that one place… that has… rugs…’ If you give me that response, you could end up in the children’s department. They sell rugs! Tell me, Bath or Area. Or simply shoes or lingerie. Don’t tell me ‘Kids/Women/Men’s’ shoes. They’re the same department. Women’s lingerie? I thought only women wore lingerie… unless there’s some wild cross-dressing parties I’m not aware of.
 
2. Do not destroy the tables I have so nicely folded. Sure, it took an hour to get every single towel folded, and believe me, there is an art to it! Please, simply because you see me folding, do resist the urge to be a anarchist and destroy the law I have wrought with my hands. Kids messing it up is possibly agreeable if their parents discipline them, but adults… should have learned long ago to keep their hands to themselves. Also, do not, while destroying my nicely wrought law, tell me my name while you ask me questions about said towel. I don’t work in the bath department. My tag says Service Corridor. It would be nice if you noticed that when you caught my name.
 
1. We do not refund shipping. If we tell you no, do not slink back five minuets later and ask someone else. Unless it’s damaged or defective, we don’t refund it. Period. The more of a little bitch you act, the more we dig our heels in and tell you no. The more you act like a moron about it, the less likely we’ll do it. So what? One person did it for you in the past. That doesn’t mean this is the same situation, and I am not the same person. I have rulesI follow, and I stick to them by letter. So if you have a problem with the fact the shipping company was paid for it; take it up with them. It’s not our job to refund your bad taste.