to e, as always.

you have to understand, it changes everything– because even though i love you, even though i’ve loved you for eight years, it will never be what it could. i hold her while she comes, crying into my shoulder, breath hard against my neck. she holds me while i come, my arms wrapped around her, back arched against her body. this is sex and not love, but it is the most valid sexual experience i’ve ever had and feels right in a way that men never did. i’m sorry- not that i’m queer, but that i was wrong. i thought you could be an exception, but the idea of spending the rest of my life without women, without what feels best and beautiful and most natural, seems like some sort of death. not that life without this kind of love would be really living, either– just– i’m sorry. i hate knowing that being who i am inevitably means losing you.