Wishing For A Change

Drew’s pretty much gone completely apathetic right now.  Long story short with him, he’s been gunning for a training manager job at Domino’s for awhile.  The truth is, we need one.  Someone to go from store to store and help out, retrain people if necessary, and train new ones so that the drivers, assistants, and managers are all on the same page.  Well, they’ve kept telling him ‘oh, we’ll talk about it later,’ or ‘well, you need to stay in this store till numbers are brought up/inspections are done,’ or they’ve just avoided things as far as the entire subject goes.

Well, just recently, this guy named Frank came up from Alabama because he and another manager for one of Ron’s stores became friends.  God only knows why he dropped everything down there to come up here, but he has, and while I don’t think anything official has been said, he’s basically doing the job that Drew wants.  And to be honest, I think the reason nothing official has been said is because A) Ron (owner of these ten stores,) and Jane (district manager,) know that Drew will quit if the job is given to someone else, especially to the kind of person Frank seems to be.  (Many rumors that he’s a backstabber, two-face, etc.)  B) Ron and Jane don’t want to give Drew the job, but they also don’t want to lose him as a store manager.  C) I think they think that maybe if they don’t say anything to him/keep delaying him, he’ll eventually either give up or lose interest in the idea of being a training manager.

Frankly, he’s fluctuated between the ‘I don’t care’ phase and the pissed off phase and is smack in the ‘I don’t care’ one right now.  He wants a new job, for which I can’t blame him at all.  But we’re stuck in so many ways because of the simple fact that both of us need to make at least what we’re making now, if not preferably more.  Because if we don’t make what we make now, we’re gonna go under.  If it were possible to be at my parents’ house still, it wouldn’t be so bad.  At the very least, we wouldn’t be outputting $1,380 in rent every month.  But there’s just no feesible way to do that, because there’s no space left at my parents’.  I mean, the few months Drew was with us before we moved in the apartment, he was sleeping in the living room, simply because there were no more bedrooms.

::Sighs::  I’m feeling stuck, as well.  I’m looking on ebsites and such for possible other jobs.  I found one potential, which I’m gonna check out on Tuesday.  Hopefully it’ll still be available.  The main thing that I’m worried about is if I get a new job, what happens if I get fired?  If that happens, we’re screwed.  I mean, yeah, unemployment, but the give, what, sixty percent of your paycheck?  That wouldn’t be enough to cover things.

I wonder what would’ve happened, had I stayed in school.  I could have a Bachelor’s by now.  Hell, I could have a Master’s by now.  Hell, I could be a year or so away from having a freakin’ PhD now!  But no.  I’m just me, lackluster college student who figured since education had never been my strong point in the required years, I wouldn’t need to go to college to pursue what I wanted in life.

What could I have done, I wonder?  Where would I be, had I decided to bust my ass in Brookdale and go on to a four year school?  Where would I be now, had I decided to bust my ass in high school, middle school, grade school, instead of believing that I was stupid, that the work was too hard, that I’d never be able to amount to anything educationally, so why even try?

Maybe I could’ve become something.  Maybe I wouldn’t be sitting here in an apartment, living paycheck to paycheck.  Maybe I’d have my own house by now.  Maybe I’d be a full-time author because I have enough savings to take off from work and be able to focus on what I’d always called my passion since I was fourteen.  Or maybe I could’ve honed my acting skills.  Maybe I could’ve been on Broadway by now.  Or in California, starring in movies alongside Elijah Wood, Liv Tyler, Hugh Laurie, Renee Zelweiger (I know I spelled that wrong, but bear with me,) Patrick Dempsey, Kevin Kline, Jim Carrey . . .

Instead, I am living paycheck to paycheck.  I’m in an apartment.  Yes, I’m with a man I love, but he’s a man also living paycheck to paycheck, stuck in a job he now hates, and without even enough money to finally get divorced from a woman he can’t stand.  There’s no room for advancement in my job.  Not unless I want to become a store manager, instead of just an assistant, which I have no desire to do.

I realize in this economy, and truly, any time, I shold be thankful that I have a job.  I should be thankful I have money coming in that allows me to pay the rent and the bills and even gives me a little extra to buy things I enjoy.  And I am.  I do appreciate those things, because in all honesty, they are big things right now.  I know that full time jobs are hard to come by, especially with no degree.

::Sighs::  Yep.  He’s full on into the whole ‘I don’t care’ mode.  Doesn’t care about jobs, doesn’t care about life, doesn’t care about anything.  Yeah . . .  Makes me feel real great.

I don’t know what to do.  Generally, I’m happy.  But then I look around and see how other people are making ten, eleven dollars an hour for cashier positions, and I’m stuck making nine as an assistant manager.

God, job-wise, no wonder he says he doesn’t care . . .

I hope things will look up soon.  All I can say is, I’m trying to find something new.  And if I do, I’m holding onto that job with everything I have, because I’ve got bills to pay and things to save for, even if I don’t know what those things are right now.  And once I have another job, I’m gonna go into Domino’s, lay my keys down, and say, "I’m done.  I’m not coming back."  And I’m going to print out all the pictures that I’ve taken of the things the manager has failed to do in the store, and paper the walls with them, including captions.  "This is her, on a Friday, prepping the store at five pm."  (It’s supposed to be done in the morning.)  "These are all the toppings that were put in the walk-in by the manager without being covered."

I’ve got a potential job I saw on a website.  I’m gonna go there Tuesday and see what happens.  I’m also gonna see what else there is.  Hopefully, I’ll have at least three potentials before Tuesday that I can check out.