We’ve Switched Roles, You Know

Heh. I’ve reread Jason’s notes, and I realized something. Especially his line about “I wouldn’t call you a best friend again, even under pain of death,” though I wouldn’t say it so elaborately, is so me. For once, I’m being the logical one about this, saying that things can still be open-ended, and all that, and he’s the one becoming all emotional and angry and stuff. It’s an interesting realization.

Well, I was waiting for it, and I was not disappointed. Joey wrote an E-mail to me about my ‘Key to my heart’ entry. I’m just copying his letter in here, and then my response. I want my response to be seen.

Joey’s letter:

Dear: Kate, I just read you “Key To My Heart Belongs To NoOne.” entry. I also read jason’s coments, witch mademe so mad that I snapped the three pencils I washoldin in half. I love you Kate, and I am begging you, don’ttry to get Jason back. He is to far gone down a pitinto Hell, he has no will to return. He has caused youand Mike so much pain. Did you ever think that, if youand Jason went your separate ways, your life would behappier? All that I here these days are words of painfrom a very tortured heart. You are better than Jason,you can easily survive with out him. He is just tryingto make your life as missuable as his. He has no onewho truly cares. You do. I read your entry, that made me mad enough, butwhen I read Jason’s comments, I sware I am ready tokill the fuck. If I never see him again it will be farto soon. HE SAID YTHAT YOU WEN’T SMART ENOUGH!!!!! ISWARE TO GOD, I WILL PUNCH HIS HEAD OFF IF I EVER SEEHIM AGAIN. YOU WILL NEVER HERE HIM SAY, UNDER PANG OFDEATH, THAT YOU ARE HIS BEST FRIEND. I DO NOT FUCKINGBELIVE THAT. LLOK AT THIS! READ HIS NOTES! THIS IS THEPERSON WHO YOU BELIEVED WAS YOUR PERFECT FRIEND. LOOKHOW HE TURNED OUT!!! THIS IS HOW HE EXPRESSES HISGRATITUDE!!! I WAS SKEPTICALL, ABOUT WHAT DOLLY SAIDBEFOR, ABOUT YOU TWO NOT MEANING ANYTHING TO HIM, LASTTIME! NOW I CAN SEE HOW TRUE THAT STATEMENT REALLYIS!! I just don’t want to see you hurt any more thanyou already are, so please, let him fall into thatpit. I know I’m not the only person who would enjoywatching him suffer in Hell. I don’t care how angryyou are at me, but I must tell you the truth; Jason isa lost cause, forget him.P.S. I’ll understand if you are so mad at me, that youno longer want to come up here. If you still do, thediractions are in my next diary entry called: “FromHazlet To Dunellen” I hope we are still friends -Joe Vroom

And my response:

Joey, Of course we’re still friends. As a matter of fact, I was waiting for when you would read that and do another rant on him. But you see, you were wrong on one thing. You said Jason has no one who truly cares about him. He has one person, at least. Me. Yeah, I know, you’re going to say I’m crazy for it, he’s not worth it, etc., but… I don’t know. I don’t care what he claims as far as caring, I know better that he can’t just turn his back on someone in one day. And I can’t do that either. Maybe I asked for that key back, but that doesn’t mean I’m changing the locks. Yeah, Jason’s comments upset me, too, but… Geez, three pencils? I know he’s caused me a lot of pain, I know the situations he’s put me through, or I’ve gone through with him have taken me to Hell and back more times than I care to count, and yes I have wondered what my life would’ve been like without him. But, Joey, he did do me a lot of good, too. That’s why… last night was so hard. During the entire thing with Dan, I didn’t have anyone I could talk to, except Jason. Mike didn’t want to hear anything bad about his “saint of a brother,” and there was no one else who would listen who wouldn’t insist, “don’t talk to me about this, I don;t want to get involved.” I was miserable back then, but Jason was my silver lining. He’s the one who told me that I couldn’t give up. “You give up when you die–no exceptions, no excuses.” And don’t you know, to this day, I believe that. I can’t say whether or not I’d be happier without Jason in my life, because he did make one Hell of a difference when it mattered. I know, I read his notes. But you know, I don’t completely believe him. Besides, yeah, I’ve thought people were a “perfect friend” before, but you know what? No one is perfect. All you can do is deal with people as they are, whether you believe they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread, or the worst. Jason is neither. Just like everyone else, he’s somewhere in between. But he does have a lot of changes he needs to make, and even more things he needs to realize are true about himself. Life, in a way, is a fiction book. True, I can’t write out a happy ending between us, but intuition tells me that this isn’t over. And I trust my intuition. Who knows? Maybe I was wrong. Maybe before last night, his feelings had changed. But I don’t think so, because otherwise, he wouldn’t have looked so grim when I showed up at Target. But, “I just don’t want to see you hurt any more than you already are, so please, let him fall into that pit.” <– I can’t do that. Believe me, I’ve been hurt deeper than this. I’ve been hurt a lot deeper than this. Maybe this is a harder situation, but I know that somehow, I’ll emerge from this a little bit stronger, and a little bit wiser. If I have a shot of not letting someone fall into a pit, whether it be a pit of their own making, or what, I won’t let them fall in if I can help it. I don’t know if I can help it, but I’m not licked yet. I don’t mind your opinions of all this. Unfortunately, there are only two people who can properly deal with this situation. One is me. The other is Jason. That is, assuming he has the courage to deal with all this, instead of just hiding himself away.

–Notes–

I’m glad that I didn’t disapoint you. I aim to please. BWRT: Did you get the directions? I posted the entry ten minutes ago. Plus, I want to show you the plans for my Unglued Story. Can’t wait till you get here, later: OrcDragon65 [OrcDragon65]
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Kate, I recently read a few of the diarys on your favorites list. I have been interested in this Angel Knight, ever since he posted his first comment to you. He reminds me of the E-Mails I send to you, I had to know who he was. I really hope this Power situation works out. I am amazed Angel Knight can use all those different weapons. I’m going to ask him if thats all right with you. [OrcDragon65]
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Know that you are beautiful

For it’s the liars that are hideous

Know that you are intelligent

For it’s the liars who are feeble minded

Know that you are brave

For it’s the liars who cower in fear

Know that you are loved

For it’s the liars that envy that

Know that I care about you

For it’s a truth that shall not waver

A poem, the best gift I can give you, you awesome woman, you [Angel Knight]
————————————————————————— Your love is your strength, be proud of it, I know I’m proud of you. Jason’s intentions may be shrouded in shadow, but you know him better than anyone. I trust your judgement, and I’m certain that something good will happen… just have faith [Angel Knight]
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That was a typo for BTW. I didn’t catch it until i posted the note. Sorry for driving you insane. [OrcDragon65]