Well . . . That Was A Colorful E-mail . . .

Let me address Jill’s note first. Jill . . . frankly, in many ways I can’t see where you’re coming from, because I don’t feel that way about any family member I have except my Nana. But regardless, yeah, I can see why you’d choose your family. Your mom isn’t a fricken’ lunatic that belongs in a padded room, but isn’t because no one has enough sense to report anything. And yes, believe me, I would, if I could get anywhere. But right now, I can’t.

Joey has been E-mailing me, extremely worried about this entire situation. But mainly my reaction to it. He hasn’t known me *that* long, comparatively speaking, and I’m not sure he quite gets what the kind of things are that send me into one of my “depression spirals,” as we’ve taken to calling them. Regardless, it’s nice to be worried about, and I thank him for it, and also everyone else who has been asking me what was up, and just in general caring about what happened. Anyway, this morning I went to my E-mail, and saw two new E-mails from Joey. The second one . . . Let’s just say I won’t copy it in here, because it’s not something that should be seen by polite company. It’s a rather . . . colorful . . . E-mail, voicing his newly formed opinion of Jason in no uncertain terms. Lol. In a way, I have to laugh while reading his E-mail, though. Because it’s obvious that he would read part of my last entry, type a paragraph, go back, read some more, spazz out, type in all caps, read, etc. If not for the subject material, I think I’d be laughing right now. The last caps paragraph that he wrote, though, that was his opinion of Jason, and also what he felt would happen to me, if I continued to care about Jason, written in no uncertain terms. And . . . while I don’t like how he phrased it, Hell, I just don’t like what he said in it . . . I can’t say that I completely disagree with it.

Well, here’s one line I can safely copy over. “HE HAS NO EMOTIONS OR FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE, HE COULD CARE LESS ABOUT YOU WITH ALL THE BULL SHIT HE SAID!” Yeah, the fact remains that he’s only hearing about all of this, and truly doesn’t know the situation well enough to judge. But the fact also remains, he’s said it, and what is said cannot be undone. While at the edges of my mind, I sometimes wonder about Joey’s motives, I don’t believe that he’s the wrongfully malicious type. Oh, how do I explain this, when I can’t even explain it to myself? I know why he said the things he did, because if it were me hearing about a similar thing, I’d be doing the same thing. Or I would have, anyway. Because literally, he’s like a male version of me. And the age difference between us only consolidates that, because I see so much of myself when I was sixteen in him now.

::Smiles:: What do you know? If we were the same age, and I’d known him when I was 16, I probably would have said yes to going out with him. As far as what I copied up there, though . . . To quote Galadriel, “I know what it is you saw. For it is also in my mind.” Joey somehow nailed it right on the head. Because this is one of the things I feel torn over. I’ve seen Jason care. I know that somewhere, he does. But I can’t shake the feeling that Joey has a point. How torn can he feel if he so quickly conceded and went back to that house, so quickly forgetting his promises to me?

God . . . Half of me wants to get up, grab a butcher knife from my mom’s knife block, and storm over there, hold that bitch at knifepoint, and demand answers. Because the more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t have the entire story. For instance, Jason told me that his mom hated me a few weeks after he and I started hanging out. Yet, he started hanging out outside of school in March. So, why was he allowed to hang out with me, and Dolly, who he told me his mom NEVER liked, the entire summer? Oh, yes. That’s right. He started “to rebel, though slightly.” He fought for the right to see us, to hang out with us during the summer. BUT WAIT!!! He fought back?? Isn’t that exactly what he wouldn’t do for Dolly and myself later on? Isn’t that what he won’t do for me now?

::Sighs:: Jason, you have a lot to answer for. I only hope you can not only renew my faith in you, but prove to me that it was something that was right to be there in the first place. Heh. Here’s an ironic song . . . Well, part of it, anyway.

Say, Say, Say

–Paul McCartney,Michael Jackson.

Say, say, say, what you want,
but don’t play games with my affections.
Take, take, take, what you need,
but don’t leave me with no direction.

Frankly, Jason, I agree with what Dolly said yesterday. You’re so keen on not abandoning your sister? Then why don’t you actually do something that will help her? Because all you’re doing by staying in that house, and not saying anything is giving your mom free reign over both of you. You want to help your sister? Then instead of standing in the background, observing, DO something. Report that bitch yourself. Because if you do anything otherwise, you’re only proving how little your sister actually means to you, because not reporting your mom means that you’re not willing to fight for her, either.

–Notes–

Galadriel is cool. [Red Again Finnegan]
—————————————————————————
RYN: Both. I read all of Tolkien as a young lad and I think the triology of films was exceptional. Which film was your favourite? [Red Again Finnegan]
—————————————————————————
I really like the new style of your diary, it’s very cute [Mousekawhitz]
—————————————————————————
Just have faith… it’s all anyone can do… have faith [Angel Knight]
—————————————————————————
Be careful Kate, you’re actually starting to sound dangerous. You need to understand that some people live for their friends and others for their family…no matter how bad things get. Look at all this shit you’re putting up with with Jason. I find it odd because I would never bother with friends like that. What HE is doing makes sense to me. I hate to sound callous, I’m not saying this to sound [Jill*Rose]
—————————————————————————
blatantly against you, but you and Jason obviously just can’t see eye to eye on this one. You have different views of people in your life. I would never, EVER choose a friend over my family, and obviously he feels the same way. So get this through your head: it’s nothing personal on his part. Like me he sees friends as secondary. And he always will. Insulting his mother and insulting his [Jill*Rose]
—————————————————————————
decisions, his view of your friendship, etc. will um…DUH make him turn away from you. I would never put up with crap like that. Maybe you’ll be really angry at what I’m saying but perhaps it’s what you need before you go a little too far with this verbal catharsis. [Jill*Rose] —————————————————————————
There…I did not sugarcoat for once. You now have my honest opinion. [Jill*Rose]
——————————————

———————————
First off, jill, I really appreciate your perspective on this. Thanks for that. second, kate, your joking yourself if you think I’m in any position to juggle college, a job, and my sister. THIRDLY-MY MOTHER DOES NOT COMPRISE MY ENTIRE FAMILY. I have a dad and my sister too ya know. you should take some time to think before you write every now and then. There are times in fact when all four [Harlequinn’s_Tear]
—————————————————————————
of us have some times when we are in fact close knit, including my mother (yea, she has her good moments now and then). [Harlequinn’s_Tear]
—————————————————————————
btw, you really are playing ignorant if you have to ask why I acted differently, why I rebeled at one point and didn’t at another, the circumstances changed. you know what, forget it, if you can’t comprehend that by now, it’s not worth explaining any further. anyways, I wanna get to the damn point, are we friends or not? I’m all for it, but if not, I’ll have to live with it. it’s your call. ~jason [Harlequinn’s_Tear]
—————————————————————————
P.S Yeah, the ultimatum thing, I broke it, but like the situation we’re in, not for no reason, or in a blink. neither one of us deserves/wants/needs this to drag out, it’s more painful in the end if it’s done like that. Whatever, I probably won’t be on for the next few days, with my new flock of term papers. jsyk. p.p.s-jill, nice usage of the word catharsis. [Harlequinn’s_Tear]