“Well, Perhaps You Should Be Patient.”

I’m going nuts, here. I don’t know what’s happening to Jason, I don’t know where he is, except more than likely at his house, I don’t know what’s going through his head, he never called me last night, I’m going completely bonkers here, I don’t know if he’ll be up at Kean tomorrow, but I have to try just because I’m dead worried about him right now. I promised him he didn’t have to go back there, and I know it was his choice to go back, but I still feel like I somehow let him down. I can’t help feeling like somehow I failed him, and I don’t even know if that’s ridiculous or not, and I know that I won’t believe anyone else saying that it is unless I hear it from his mouth. Jason . . . Please. I know you read this, I hope to God you’re seeing these past few entries. I’m holding on, I am, at least, I’m trying to. But please, contact me. Tomorrow, if nothing else. I work Thursday, and I just . . . I need to know you’re okay.

Every time the phone rang yesterday, I jumped up, and reached it before anyone else. Or just stayed in one place, straining my ears to listen. My dreams last night were haunted by images of Jason, yet as I woke up each time the alarm went off, I just wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, because waking up meant remembering. I don’t want to remember all this. Not until I know that Jason is safe.

Half of me wants to call over there, go over there, something, and demand that we do that “sit down and talk,” that Jason told me about yesterday. Half of me actually believes, and wants to beleive that that could happen so strongly, I’m willing to chance whatever I have to. But the other half of me is more realistic than that, and knows it’s nothing more than a bleak hope, at best. That half of me is remaining patient, waiting for him, even though it’s killing me.

The night he stayed over, we talked for a little while after the light was out. I dared to dream that something was going to be done. hat he would stay out of that house, that we’d be free to hang out. And I dared to dream that we might go to the Holy Family Carnival together. I dared to dream these things, to let myself, for just a moment, imagine what it would be like . . . But, no. All is not for the best Candide . . . He’s back in that house, and I don’t know when I can talk to him again.

And it’s driving me insane . . . .

–Notes–

I take it that means no word as yet? Grr him for making everyone worry like this! He knows how you get! He should’ve called you by now, if only to alert you to his continued existence! [HyacatDuncan]
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Well I am hoping that everything works out for you, I really hope that Jason is okay, I am sure he is, hold on and take care [Mousekawhitz]
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RYN: Thanks for your note. Its always nice to have more people to be friends with. I will start answering the questions as soon as I get some more. If you want I can come back and let you know. [Lews]
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I’m going to post another entry in a couple of minutes, but when the next time I log on to post another … it’s going to become Private. Why Private, you wonder? Well, you’ll understand once you read it. So, take your chances now. [Nora’s Diary]