We Need A Little Christmas

We Need A Little Christmas

Haul out the holly
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again
Fill up the stocking
We may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now

For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
Candles in the window
Carols at the spinet

Yes, we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute
It hasn’t snowed a single flurry
Oh Santa, dear, we’re in a hurry

Climb down the chimney
Hang up the brightest string of lights I’ve ever seen
Slice up the fruitcake
It’s time we hung some tinsel on that evergreen bough

For we need a little music
Need a little laughter
Need a little singing
Ringing in the rafters

And we need a little something
Happy ever after
We need a little Christmas now

Shin splits . . .

Ow, ow, ow.  That’s all I can say.  OW.

I had guessed as much, and both Dan and Mike confirmed it tonight that that’s what’s happening to me.  It’s because of how much I’m DDRing and the jumping and all that is taking it’s toll on my legs, specifically, my shins.  They’re killing me, to say the least.

Oh, I got the most awesome bumper sticker a few days ago.  On Monday, when I was at the mall.  It says, “I poke badgers with spoons.”  And since in the Hedgehog and Turtle world that Mike and I created, I am Hedgehog, Mike is Turtle, and Dan is Badger, I’d say it works out nicely.  Lol.  Only thing was, I forgot to bring my plastic spoon with me to poke him at FunTime America.  The three of us met up there today.  And I did kick his ass once again at DDR, despite my shins.  Mike actually lost to him, twice!  Maybe three times, I’m not sure.  But still.  He LOST to DAN.  Lol.  Then I got up there to verse Dan, and deliberately said, “Mike, the same fate will not befall me.”  And it didn’t.  I ruled.  Though I’ve gotta say that unfortunately, (or fortuantely, depending on how I look at it,) he is getting better, after only two times, and is becoming a challenge.  Though I can consistently get about 102-108% on the songs I’m used to, and above 90% on the ones I’m not.  So, it’ll be a bit before he’s a true threat where I’m having to really work to keep my win.

I did notice one funny thing, though.  Well, two.  Both Mike and Dan know martial arts, and are pretty impressive if truth be told, when exhibiting the fact.  More Dan than Mike, but they tend to play in a position akin to a stance they’d use to spar with someone.  And the other thing, is that Dan’s more coordinated when he’s versing Mike.  Lol.  He screws up more when going against me.  Which is a fact that I won’t complain about in the least.  J  Though, honestly, I think it’s just because he’s so used to versing and winning at things against Mike, and I’m more a loose cannon who he doesn’t know what to expect from, rather than what Mike said about Dan’s and my rivalry, (though now fairly friendly,) running so deep.

Oh.  Speaking of rivalry, guess what I recently heard?  Apparently, Mike has found out that it’s possible that his mom may be here, (Well, not here, here, but at his dad and grandma’s,) for Christmas.  My reaction?  Well, two things.  A) ::Scoffs::  Yeah, right.  She also claimed she’d come to Mike’s graduation, but that didn’t happen either, now did it?  And B) I don’t want to see her.  I don’t want to come anywhere near her.  I have no tolerance and no respect for her, and refuse to give her any slack.  After everything she pulled, she doesn’t deserve any.  She’s made postively no effort where at least Mike is concerned, and she has a Hell of a lot to make up for to more than just her immediate family.  I can still hear Mike’s screams inside my head when I think about the day that her letter came.  That day, Sept 20, 2001, is the only time I’ve ever seen a grown man cry, and it was because of that letter.  I didn’t realize it then, but I learned of her lies and manipulations that night, as well, when Dan told me he knew she was leaving.  Yes, some anger still resides at him for not telling her to come clean, otherwise he wasn’t helping her a bit.  But that more or less got washed out with the rest of the anger at Dan, so yeah, that’s not a big factor.

That woman lied to me over countless IM’s, though.  Manipulated her family, placed her financial burdens on Mike’s shoulders, and even up to the last time I talked to her on IM, about a year and a half after she pulled everything, still insisted to me that she did what she did for “survival” and “not to judge what I didn’t understand.”

(For those of you who don’t know, the situation is basically this:  The July after I graduated, Mike’s mom told both Mike and I that it was probable that she had breats cancer.  She said that she was leaving New Jersey and going to Nebraska for treatments.  ::She’s never trusted doctors here, and wanted to put herself in the hands of doctors she did trust.::  Anyway, I already knew that she was leaving, because in April, my mom had told me about it, since she was the one to drive Mike’s mom to a doctor’s appointment at one point.  Oddly enough, I had the strange thought then of, “I’ll never see her again.”  She left on August 13th, and things were fairly normal until Sept. 20th, 2001.  Mike had just started his senior year, and that Wed., the 20th, I met him at the high schol and walked back to the apartment with him.  His dad and grandma had just come back from grocery shopping, so we got the groceries up, and Mike and I went to sit down on the couhc bed in the living room.  The bathroom was connected to the living room, and his dad went in there, with a letter.  Soon, we heard these choke/sob-like noises, and Mike went into the bathroom to see if his dad was okay.  He came out a minute later with that letter.  He sat back down on the bed, holding it in front of him, and we both read it.  When he was done, he let it go, laid down on his back, and started screaming.  I read the last bit that I hadn’t, and felt myself starting to cry.

I had countless IM’s with her, all of which I saved and printed out, where she claimed that Mike’s dad abused her, and that either Mike or Dan could account for it, because they’d “seen it.”  I

would often, in those first few months, go to Mike’s dad or Mike with the IM’s, and ask them what was true.  Almost none of it was.

She would claim I had no right to judge her, because I didn’t know what it was like, having a husband who should have a career, who should be successful, who should be making something of himself, yet he wasn’t.  He was just sitting around on his @$$, accepting the checks from disability, and not even trying to better himself.  That I didn’t know what it was like to be the bread getter, and have the stress of coming home to a sloppy house after a full day at work.)

I stopped IMing her after a few months.  Probably around November, though I’m not entirely sure.  I know I’d stopped for a few weeks at least by the time Decmber rolled around.  I got to anger on Sept. 20th, and I haven’t moved from that spot.  I’m still pissed as Hell at her, and frankly, if I see her, I will tell her off.  I don’t care what day it is, I don’t care what the circumstances are, I don’t care if someone has died, and we’re at the funeral, if I see her, I will tell that bitch off.

Because here’s what she doesn’t know.  I DO know where she’s coming from.  I’ve felt that same suffocation, that same despair, that same sense of disgust at someone not living up to the abilities that I know, and that they know they possess.  I’ve been in the same position of being sick of seeing someone not do anything with their lives, and for it to grate on your nerves until you just want to scream at them to get off their lazy ass and do something with themselves.  I know what it feels like for the person you’re supposed to love to feel more like a ball and chain to you than anything else.

But you kow what?  Whereas she ran away, hiding behind a New Jersey doctor’s diagnosis of cancer, (which by the way, actually was wrong.  She had fused mammory glands, and cysts.  Admittedly, left unchecked, I believe it was discovered that those cysts could become malignant, but they were benign when she was examined,) I didn’t run away.  I wanted to, I admit, but I didn’t.  Sometimes it wasn’t entirely my choice, but the fact remains that I have stayed.

A person can’t just run away from their problems and expect things to get better when they do.  I mean, I didn’t even have to wish anything bad on her for pulling everything she did.  She caused everything bad that happened to her herself.  She was sharing an apartment, but had a falling out with said person, and is now in a smaller apartment by herself.  The bird that she left behind, and insisted had “forgotten about her,” died almost two years ago after pining away for her, she’s more broke than she’s ever been in her life to my knowledge . . .

You see what I mean?  And she brought every single one of these things down on herself.  (Though I do feel sorry for the poor bird, because she shoulda been a Helluva lot more responsible about beig a bird owner and brought him with her.)  But no.  The bird that she turned into a one-person-bird stayed with Mike’s dad, and then moved with his dad up to Mike’s grandma’s house.

Anyway.  I think I’ve run outta steam for now.  I just needed to get this out.  It’s not all out.  It won’t all be out until I get the chance to tell her off.  But yeah.  This is why I’m so pissed at her.  Especially her comments about not judging her.  She doesn;t know the sh*t that I’ve been through because of her family, so you know what?  She has no business telling ME not to judge HER.

::Sighs::  I need a little Christmas.  Ooo, the lights around her window are still on.  Yay . . .  Me happier now.  J