Undeniable . . .

I told my parents about Phil, and my mom looked up the newspapers for his obitchuary. She didn’t find it. And for a little while, a had this glimmer of hope that maybe it was a mistake. That maybe they were wrong . . . So, I went on, and asked Pam if she could find for me a list of the soldiers, marines, anyone who has been killed so far over there. She found something, and . . . there he was. I wouldn’t mistake that face . . . Last time I saw him, he had long hair, but . . .

Mike told me that someone he talked to at Staples was, like, second man on the totem pole, so to speak. She heard it from Keri, who heard it from whatever officials informed her, I guess. He told me that the circumstances were that Phil had killed two enemy soldiers so far, and then he was shot . . . in the head.

A lot of morbid thoughts have been running through my head today, before I knew those details. I wondered where he was shot. If he was shot, or if it was a grenade thing, or explosion, or something. I wondered if he had bled to death, or if it had been a head shot. I wondered what his last thoughts were . . .

I still wonder what his last thoughts were. I mean . . . what does death mean??? Yeah, you’re not breathing. There’s no brain waves, no heartbeat, no lung activity. But . . . where do you go? Your body is here, but your mentality . . .

Okay, I’m gonna stop writing now. I– I just have to stop writing . . .

–Notes–

**hugs** [Mousekawhitz]
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Guess you’re thinking a lot of the things I’d thought about so often. I remember you telling me you’d never lost anyone you’d cared about before and that I was right when I said you just wouldn’t understand how it made me feel. Guess you’re joining the club, huh? And this club sucks *bleep*. [HyacatDuncan]
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Nobody knows, but we all ‘know’ that it’s somewhere safe and clean [Angel Knight]