Two Of Us

You and I

have memories

longer than the road

that stretches

out ahead

*~*

Or I thought we did, anyway. I’m realizing, the more I think about it, that every single person that I know, without exception, has either run away from me, or been chased. Every single person that I’ve ever loved . . .

And Jason is no exception. He signed off earlier today when I’d thought we were going to actually hash all this out from the apst two days. But then, from something he said, I don’t remember what, it became apparent to me that he didn’t feel that he had anything to hash out. That he was only doing this for my benefit. I don’t want that. He was the one who said we were gonna hash things out, and that there were things for us to hash out. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but that means more than me.

You know, there are several Beatles songs that mention wine in them. I Me Mine, the one I’m listening to now, is one of them. I used to be able to name the others. I recall one of them is Her Majesty. But I know there are others.

Anyway . . . I don’t even know. I mean, I know, realistically, that he can’t turn his back on me, especiually not in the span of several hours over a day. Despite what Paul said in I’m Looking Through You, love doesn’t have a habit of disappearing overnight.

But I can’t even say right now that I consider him to be as close to me as he was. I don’t even know how to describe last night, and the night before, but something happened. Something changed. And I wish . . . I wish that he would realize that, and acknowledge it. Because whatever happened has forged a wedge between us. At least, that’s how I feel. It’s like he doesn’t seem to care about the fact that I feel that way. No, that’s not what it seems like. It’s like . . . Like he doesn’t feel that way, and because of that, that I should just put aside how I feel, because since both of us don’t feel it, it’s not important.

Some kind of innocence

is measured out in years

You don’t know what it’s like

to listen to your fears.

*~*

Some kind of solitude

is measured out in you

You think you know me

but you haven’t got a clue

*~*

From Hey Bulldog. On the new Yellow Submarine soundtrack. It’s a good song. Especially when you hear John and Paul barking at the end.

Ah, yes!! Brilliant me, I listen to the song that starts off, “Ah, look at all the lonely people!” God . . .

I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in this sort of situation before. Not with him, and not with anyone like him, because I don’t know anyone like him. I wish I could talk to someone who understood. Jill tried, and her advice would probably work, were Jason any other person, instead of who he is.

I’m gonna go. I hope he signs on, or I get him at the dorm or something. I can’t stand this . . .

–Notes–

You mentioned Ah look at all the lonely people! and then I just HAD to go listen to Eleanor Rigby. I’m listening now. Damn, I’ve been programmed so well. *crying as only a classically conditioned weak minded fool can cry* Ah, but I like this song so it’s ok. *skips merrily away* [A I want is L0VIN’]
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I’ve downloaded 52 Beatles songs on KaZaA Lite and that’s not NEARLY enough, but it’s a start. I grew up listening to the Beatles, my dad hardly listened to anything else. There was another band called Little Feet that he was a big fan of, but no one ever seems to know who they are. Ah well. I’m sorry about the trouble with you and your friend. I’m having a bit of friend trouble myself. [A I want is L0VIN’]
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RYN: S.A.D. = Seasonal Affective Disorder, its a form of depression that takes hold only during the winter and is tied to the weather. Its mostly like normal depression exept the people who have it are not normally depressed durig the summer, just teh winter. luv, [RBW]