Tortured Soul Beneath A Smiley

Yep. That’s me. Bleh . . .

You gotta wonder why I can’t read these notes and just be happy that Melanie and Jill are taking the time to write them, to try and boost my spirits, that they do care enough to see that for whatever reason, I’m depressed. And I am happy. I smile as I read them. I appreciate every word, and feel good when I read them.

But it’s like being shown a candle, and seeing it’s glow, and feeling it’s warmth, and then trying to remember it when the candle is taken away. I know, the notes are there, whenever I want to read them, so that analogy, and the fact that I feel that way are ridiculous. Yet, it’s how I feel.

I’m not sure that you got what I meant when I said “Number one in someone’s life,” Melanie. Or maybe you did, but were talking in a different context. In either case, I’ll define it more carefully. I meant number one as in, Dolly was number one for me for most of my life. She was the friend whose side I would take, who I never saw my life without, who meant the world to me, etc., etc., etc. Everyone at least should have one person who they depend on more than anyone else, who they think of first when something happens, where it’s just instinct, “So-and-so needs to know.” I’d say that that number one person for you is Kenny. He’s the first person you think of to go to when something is wrong, isn’t he? He’s the one you want to be there for you, because he’s just . . . that way. Among all the other things you can say about him.

I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m depressed. By all rights, I shouldn’t be, except for the fact that I have to wait an extra week to see Jason now. Spring Break for colleges and all. Argh.

I finally saw Chamber of Secrets today. It was better than the first, by far. I don’t think puberty killed it, as Jason so often says. Some of the acting left something to be desired, but other than that, there were very few thinsg I was dissatisfied with.

Hmm. I guess I’ll leave this entry here. I’ve got nothing else to say right now. As much as I want to type, nothing seems to be coming.