To What Thought

To what thought do I find myself depressed today?  I suppose thoughts of Messuir Keller.  Ah, once again, liking a guy has gotten me depressed.  God damnit, why can’t I just like a guy who’s normal???  I mean, would it be too much to ask for someone nice, good-looking, and single to find his way to me?  Someone who didn’t have emotional baggage the size of Cleveland (or larger), or an emotionally abusive mother that everyone refuses to do anthing about, or is so seemingly intelligent that anyone he doesn’t deem “on par” with him is automatically beneath him.  I mean, you’d think a guy with none of those attributes wouldn’t be hard to find.  Someone who can actually support the girl in terms of feelings, someone who’s out from under “mommy dearest’s” thumb, and someone who doesn’t have a superiority, and ironically at the same time, inferiority complex the size of Russia.

I don’t understand it.  I mean, half of me does want to say something to Mike Keller.  Half of me wants to just ask to speak with him alone one day, and then say to him, “I like you.  I’ve liked you since before summer started.  And I know that you more than likely don’t feel the same way back.  I just needed to say this, and just want to know what you think about it.”

But the other half tells me that I’m insane for even considering that, that I know he’s just going to make a mockery of me, my crush, and the fact that I was dumb enough to even hold out a hope that he could possibly, remotely feel that way towards me.

::Sighs::  And this is the person I like?

::Feels forehead::  Do I have a fever?

I’m hopeless, aren’t I?

I don’t know.  I don’t know what to get him for Christmas, either, and that bugs me.  ::Sighs::  I don’t know . . .

Heh.  It seems I never do.