To Be Great Is To Be Misunderstood

Then I’m going to grow up to be terrific. ::Sighs:: It’s hard to keep my spirits up when Veteran’s Park is where I find myself driving. For solace or self-torture, I’m not sure yet. When I go to a store and see Pixie Stix, or those little straws with the tubes, and wonder if Jason has ever used those things. When I saw my kite in the back of Mom’s car today. When I saw one of those pizza twisted pretzels, and almost bought one so that I could finally tell him that I’ve had one, and then realized, “Wait.” I don’t even know if I’ll talk to him again, let alone laugh about finally having a damned pizza pretzel. Yeah, I’ll admit, it’s SO damned tempting to go to Target when I see his car there, and to just wait. But I know he won’t listen to me. He won’t even look at me. Or if he does, it won’t be looking at me, it’ll be looking through me. One of those haunted stares that you just have to stare back at out of fascination, because you wonder how someone, once so close, and still standing so close, could at the same time, be a million miles away.

And yet I hold out hope. Because Dolly wasn’t completely lost to me.

Jason brought me to Hell and back, or I went with him to Hell and back more times than I care to count. He tells me slapping him was one of the two worst things I could do to him? Well, guess what, Jason? Betraying me and Mike, and breaking promise after promise to me are the two worst things you could have done to me. I don’t care whether you meant to hurt me and Mike or not, the fact remains, you did. And you have to own up to that, instead of insisting that you don’t see it as being your fault. Because it is. And you know what I’ve been through as far as lies, betrayals, and broken promises. Yet you made the decision to tell Mike you saw me as nothing more than a friend, and didn’t want to make things worse for Mike. You made the decision to break your promise to me about leaving the house again if your parents went back on their word. (Which they did.) You made the decision to go behind Mike’s back and drop hints that you wanted me to kiss you. And you made the decision to tell me that you thought that I would betray Mike as well, simply because I am emotion-driven. Yes, I slapped you. But you notice, anything anyone else says here about the situation thinks that you’re the one being selfish, childish, etc. True they may not understand/know everything about all of this. But you’re the one who said you can look at things so objectively. So, you tell me: didn’t I tell the facts in a fairly unbiased way? I certainly didn’t tip them in my favor. But then, you’ve proven in the past that you can’t be unbiased about personal issues, no matter what you claim.

–Notes–

Keep that fire of passion in your heart as bright as it is now, and you can never go wrong. Continue to stand for what you believe in, and continue to fight for love and yourself. For in life, oneself and love are the most important things, and sometimes, not in that order… [Angel Knight]