Thoughts In Turmoil

Last night, Colleen IMed me.  We didn’t have a bad talk.  Though I don’t really know how much detail he went into, I guess Mike told her I’d called cuz she was talking to him on IM after we hung up.  I’m not sure how I feel yet about the fact that Colleen IMed me.  I will acknowledge that maybe she didn’t deserve it, but I lumped her in with that group, and therefore truly don’t know if I can trust her.  I don’t know if I want to.

(Added May 5th.)

I’ve spent the past two nights pretty much crying myself to sleep.  ::Sighs::  I either can’t trust, don’t want to bother, or don’t want to hurt the people around me who I can think of to possibly tell all this stuff to.  I feel like once again I’m reaching the end of my rope.  But I know I’m not there yet, thank God.

The thing is, I can’t deny the good I’ve done Rob.  But . . .

I mean, I almost called him Mike two different times on Tuesday night!

I guess . . . I guess I’ll never really have closure where Mike’s concerned.  I’ll always wonder ‘what if?’  What if we’d stayed together with him as a whole person, mentally speaking, and me as someone with a virtually nonexistent temper?  How would things have been different between us?  What kind of couple would we have made?

But unless something drastically changes, I’ll never get to know.  Because I’m with Rob.  And he’s with Jill.

Lucky bitch . . .