Thirteen

      You know, I realized something tonight.  Once again, I decided to skim Melanie’s diary, just looking to see if there were new entries.  There was.  One titled something about judgemental people, and venting about it.  You know, I read over that first entry I wrote where I voiced concern about her relationship with Kenny.  I find it completely disgusting and personally insulting to me that this has come this far.  There was no reason for it to.  It is all of our faults.  Mine, Melanie’s, and Ken’s.  I feel the only fault I have, however, is in apparently not writing my views clearly enough to be understood.  Melanie and Ken seem unable to understand what I was saying, and determined to form their own opinions on it, and judge me based on what they think I said.
      I read that first entry, as I said.  And frankly, I don’t see why she would IM me, all upset over it.  I’m not going to defend my position here, because I’ve done that enough already.  The only thing I’ll say is, I find it disgusting and horrifying that she can say she loves everything about him, when he is a smoker.  I thought smoking disgusted her, no matter who it was.  Frankly, it saddens me that she will apparently love the cancer, or emphasema, not to mention the bad breath, and finger stains, teeth stains, or any number of other diseases one can get from smoking.  It saddens me that she just accepts that he’s slowly killing himself.
      And it saddens me that apparently, saying that I do not like the fact that a person smokes apparently says that I am "judging them as a person," and "if I’ve concluded that I don’t like them, I shouldn’t talk to them."
      I find it a load of BS, how she says she doesn’t want to hurt people by speaking her mind.  She speaks her mind 99% of the time, and while she may take people’s feelings into account, she won’t sugarcoat things.  So what was that about not wanting to tell people things, and keeping them to herself so she wouldn’t hurt people?  I don’t buy that one.
      All I can say is, I know that her entry wasn’t completely about me, but especially the lines about her boyfriend smoking had to have me at least slightly in mind.  And frankly, it sickens me that a few comments I made in a diary entry, and then misunderstandings over other entries have caused all this. 
      Or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit.
      The last thing I’ll say is this: I find it an interesting concept that people can talk to each other without communicating with these diaries.  Instead of talking to me directly, if she had me in mind with that last entry, it’s easier for Melanie to just write in her diary so that I can read it later.  And I’m guilty of the same thing, considering what I’m writing right now.
      Oh, yeah.  And guess what?  Sometime earlier today, the "Phantom Diariest" decided to actually make a diary and leave a signed note.  The gutless idiot, though, claims to have something to say to me, but all he does is insult me.  Frankly, if he has something to say, I wish he’d just say it.  I find it intriguing, though, that he thinks I’ve guessed only two people as suspects for who "he" could be.  I’ve never mentioned in here who I suspect, or how many people I suspect.
      It’s as I said.  Whoever this person is, they know me personally.  Or, think they do anyway.  Well, this is for you, Phantom of the Diary.  If you have any guts, then tell me what your supposed "message" is.  I assure you, you have no idea how much I can handle.  And considering your past notes, it’s not like you care if I handle it well or not.  Goodbye for now . . .

–Notes–

It’s really sad that you find the truth insulting, because that’s all i’ve ever told. I know who you suspect me to be because I know where your other diary is. You never told it to me, I found it myself in under a minute.  I knew you couldn’t stay away from here forever, it created drama and you thrive on that. It makes your life more interesting. 
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 Have you also noticed that all you’ve done is attack me from day one? You call me "gutless" and whatnot, EVERY time you mention me. It’s a Freudian defense mechanism, if you can’t think of anything else to say you attack with insults, attempting to make yourself look better. Well, here’s my message: YOU messed up your friends lives to make your own more interesting, and then you lost contact 
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with the rest. Friends will only take so much abuse for so long. And THAT’S the truth. Don’t like it? Fine, attack me again. I don’t care anymore.