Things Are Good

Okay, so let me backtrack.  After the argument Drew and I had on Tuesday, (the 3rd,) he was insisting all we could be was friends after what he’d done.  (Long story short, it falls under the category of ‘not good.’)  I asked him the following night if he was afraid he’d do it again, to which he answered, "Maybe."

I could see where he was coming from and I knew he felt, (and probably still feels,) horrible about it, so I did my best to accept that he just wanted a friendship right now.  But also on Wednesday night, I was asking him if we could eventually work our way back to being together.  He said he didn’t know.

Well, we got paychecks on the 6th, and I went to Matawan to pick them up and ran into Lexi cuz she was still at the Matawan store where checks were.  We ended up talking, catching up with summaries of what had been going on in one another’s lives since we last spoke.  Then, I got a call from Kevin, the manager of the Redbank store, asking me to come down to that store and get the second store key from him.  (I was covering there Saturday morning and then closing in Marlboro that night.  Yeah, Saturday double.  Loads of fun…  ::Grumbles::)

Anyway, I was kinda wondering why Drew was having me close on a Saturday night.  He’s never done that before.  It was always me opening and him closing.  When I asked, he said he wanted a night to kick back and relax, go have a drink if he wanted, etc.  So the seed probably planted itself that night.

Cuz when I got home that night, he still wasn’t back.  I can’t remember if I waited p for him, but I probably did.  Sunday morning, I don’t remember the exact phrasing, but I woke up with the idea of "My God…  What if he’s seeing someone else and that’s why he went down to a bar in Brick?"  (Cuz that’s where he said he was Saturday night.)

That’s why there was that short, rambling, paranoid entry a few entries ago.  The thing I was worried about but didn’t want to state was what if he was seeing someone else?  I couldn’t even call it cheating on me, because he’d broken up with me nearly a week before.  But just the thought of what if? was enough to send me into a paranoid, worried, fear-filled spiral of depression that I was barely fighting off.  All I knew was I had to ask him.  I had to know.  I was afraid of the answer, but I had to ask him.

He came in that afternoon, and he pretty quickly picked up that my ood was off and said something to the effect of, "So, what, you’re gonna be cranky today?"  I told him I wasn’t cranky, and he asked what I was then.  I said something like, "Worried, because I need to ask something and I’m afraid of the answer."

He asked what I had to ask and I sat down in the office with him standing behind me at the computer.  I kinda sighed and turned so I was half-facing him, looked up, and said, "Are you seeing someone else?"

He said, "What?"

"Are you seeing someone else?"

He said no, and acted like it was a ridiculous thing for me to be asking.  And he asked what brought on such a question.  I didn’t know exactly how to voice the ‘evidence’ I’d built up over the past few days, so I just said that I must have had a dream or something the previous night because when I woke up that morning, the question was there in my head.  (Which wasn’t a lie; the question did pop in there that morning, that was definitely when everything culminated, I just left out the part about wondering about him going out Saturday night and such.)

He texted me that night, asking if I was still worried about him seeing someone else.  I said not really, but that maybe I understood a little bit why he was so weird about me hanging out with Charlie that Monday.  Not that it excuses his whole, "a girl in a relationship shouldn’t hang out with other guys," thing, but it helps explain it.  He went on the whole, "Yeah, but you know we’re just friends now," blah, blah, blah, thing.  I said I knew, and I respected that was what he wanted, but that I hoped we’d eventually go back to more.

Let’s see . . .  Monday, the 9th, I doubled in Marlboro.  Tuesday, I doubled in Redbank and expected to have to open there on Saturday again.  Wednesday, I opened Marlboro and Drew was supposed to close.  Well . . .

Wednesday afternoon, I wanted to go searching for something, and it’s an outside something.  I asked if I could borrow Drew’s jacket since I’d forgotten my own, and he (grudgingly) agreed.  I said I’d be back in roundabouts of an hour, and took off.  About two hours later, I came back to the store.  Drew and I were joking and B.S.ing and talking a bit seriously once again about the whole togetherness thing and how he was still saying after what he’d done, after the line he crossed, he couldn’t risk it.  All we could be was friends.  But we still joked around and stuff while I was there, so that was nice.  But around nine, or maybe a bit before, his left arm started really hurting him.  I was afraid it was signaling a heart attack for him, but it wasn’t that kind of pain.  But he couldn’t use his arm.  So about nine-thirty-ish, I convinced him to go to the hospital, since this wasn’t going away.  I told him I’d close the store, but I’d leave him clocked in and just use his numbers while I was there.  So he went down to the hospital emergency room, I went around like a chicken with it’s head cut off getting stuff in the walk-in and spazzing when customers "dared" to call.  Luckily, another employee and his on-again, off-again girlfriend who’s pretty familiar with the stores showed up and they helped close, too.  We got out of there right at 12:06.  I locked the door, said goodnight to everyone, and flew down to the Freehold hospital where I had to wait behind this woman in the emergency room before I could ask what room Drew was in.  I found out, went through the door, and straight to his room, where once again, he had an expression on his face of "what are you doing here?"  I told him he had to stop giving me that look, it’s not like I wasn’t gonna come as soon as I could.  The doctor in the emergency room came in and said that the ultrasound on his arm came back and showed everything was normal, and they said it was muscle spasms and a muscle tear.  The doctor said massaging would help and that Drew should go to physical therapy to get back a full range of motion for his arm.  Luckily, he was able to leave the hospital that night, and the doctor said for me to drive him since they’d give him some kind of drowsy-inducing pain-killer.

While at the hospital, I called my mom and asked if I could get the heating pad that they have, (the doctor said a heating pad would be good, too, but not for anymore than fifteen minutes.)  She said I could and asked what was going on.  I said I’d explain when I got there.  So we drove to my parents’ house first and I got the heating pad, then we went back home.  I wanted to massage his shoulder before he fell asleep, but he was being all stubborn and no-touchy-like.  Not to mention he was insisting that no, I wasn’t doubling the next day, he was going in, I was staying home.  I kept telling him no, I was going in, I already told Jane (our DM) I was, he was staying home and resting.  But he kept fighting me on it and when I finally said something about would he just let me rub his shoulder, cuz I need to get up early in the morning, he said yeah, I did, so I could drive him to his car so he could get to work in the morning.  I told him I wasn’t driving him to his car and he said well, then he’d get up early and walk there.  I kind of sarcastically said, "You’re gonna walk from Matawan to Freehold?  You’d actually be that stubborn and stupid to do that and try to work with your arm like this?"

He kept trying to brush it off, saying t was no big deal, it’d be fine the next morning, blah, blah, blah.  And he insisted that yeah, if I didn’t drive him, he was gonna walk to his car and go to work the next day.  He was already in bed when we were having that discussion/argument and after he’d made that clear, I basically stood back a bit and said, "I know what I have to do, then."  He asked what, but I didn’t answer.  I simply leaned forward, kissed him on the cheek, and said goodnight.

After I left the room, I grabbed my cell and set the alarm on it for 4:30 am.  If he was gonna be that stubborn to insist he’d walk, I was gonna wake up every couple hours and make sure he was still in the apartment.  Intercept him if I had to, to keep him from leaving.  I set myself up on the living room couch that night, and I couldn’t get to sleep until after three, so I reset the alarm for 5:15.  Then 7:15.  Both times when it went off, I heard him get up to use the bathroom, then settle back down in bed, in obvious pain.  At 8 am, same thing, only this time, I heard him practically whimpering, "Ow, ow, ow…" over and over again.  So I got up and went in there, sat down next to him and said, "Do you want the heating pad?"  He didn’t answer, just kept grimacing in pain.  So I said, "I’m warming up the heating pad for you."  Then I sat behind him, held onto him with one hand, and started massaging him with the other.  The poor guy was practically writhing in pain, but it needed to be done.  And it was probably the drugs from the hospital still being in his system to whatever degree, but about five minutes in, he fell asleep while I was still massaging.  So I stopped a bit after that, got the heating pad, and held it on him for about ten minutes.  Then, for roughly the next hour, I fell asleep next to him.

Thursday was interesting.  Rob and Jess, (the on-again, off-again couple I mentioned before,) both came to the store.  And thank God.  I mean, Rob had to; he was scheduled.  Jess basically came to keep me company and help out in the store.  And she was definitely a help.  I was able to keep up with the orders and the phone since she was helping me out on the oven, putting food into boxes and whatnot.  It was such a huge help and I’m so grateful she was there.  Plus it was just nice talking to another girl.

Well, I got home that night and she to Drew, "Okay, here’s the deal.  I’m massaging your shoulder and then putting the heating pad on it for ten minutes.  Then, we’ll go and get your car."  Well, for whatever reason, he didn’t want it done before we went, so I told him I wanted his word that I could do it after we came back.  He never did give his word, but oh, well.

In the car, I was hoping we could actually talk, but it was mostly sarcastic comments from him, and semi-disbelief from me.  For instance, he asked why I’d slept on the couch the previous night.  I said, "Because I was afraid you were serious."  And I told him I wanted to either be able to stop him, or I’d have walked there with him.  And all he said was something about ‘yeah, just start another argument.’  To which I was silent for a few seconds and then just muttered, "Unbelievable."  I couldn’t believe that instead of realizing that I cared enough about him to deprive myself of sleep and worry about him walking from Matawan to freakin’ Freehold, (a good twenty minute drive, so the people who don’t know the distance have some way to gauge it,) he complains about how I was ‘just trying to start another argument.’

We got to the hospital, I parked by his car, and we went back up 79 to get home.  Once there, I initiated a conversation about not feeling appreciated by him.  Like any efforts I make are instantly criticized, instead of being seen as something to be thankful for.  I mentioned how I bought him a sword as a surprise.  It’s a Highlander one he’s talked about wanting for months.  He wants three, and I decided after the horrible time he had on Halloween, I would buy him one.  When he found out about it, (cuz I wasn’t able to keep it a surprise, unfortunately,) instead of being thankful that I spent over two hundred dollars for a freakin’ sword for him, he asks me which one I got, and when I told him, he told me it was the wrong one, that he wanted one of the other two first!

I do admit, yes, he thanked me for getting it for him, and yes, he has been grateful since, but it bugged me that that was his initial reaction.  That’s what my gripe was.  How a criticism always semed to be his initial reaction.

I forget exactly how, but we wound up in his room, him wrapped up in the shet, and me behind him, tugging at the shet and saying to let me in, part of the bargain for getting his car was me rubbing his shoulder.  And he was being all cute, and saying, "No… No, c’mon, it’ll hurt," and stuff like that.  It was adorable, honestly.  Once again, though, he let me rub.  Then, I think I held the heating pad on him for a little while, and I once again asked him for his right hand.  He asked why, and I wouldn’t tell him.  Just said for him to give me his right hand.  (I’d been asking him that for the past several nights, because I wanted to take his hand and place his palm on the left side of my face and simply tell him, "I trust you.")

Finally, I got him to give me his hand and I did just that.  He pulled his hand away and said, "I don’t."  And I said something, maybe it was, "Well, I do," and added, "One of us has to."

Then I started rubbing other areas.  He asked what I was doing when I started that, and I told him, and he just goes, "Oh.  Okay," and settles in on the pillow.  I rubbed for a bit and then was lying next to him and said I love him.  He didn’t say anything back.  I wasn’t really expecting him to, but I needed to know.  I mean, for all his "just friends" talk, he seemed receptive to more that night.  And I’m not a one night stand, or friends with benefits type of person.  If we were gonna do anything more, and it looked likewe might, I needed to know what we were to one another.  So I said, "How do you feel about me?"  Lol, he told me I was a pain in the butt an said something else, but I don’t recall what.  And I kinda laughed and said, "But that doesn’t tell me how you feel."  He stalled a little bit, but finally said, "I love you, too.  <Another pause>  And I want to be with you."  I asked, "Then what’s with the whole ‘just friends’ things?"  He said, "I don’t know."  And I think I said, "So are we back together?"  And he said, "I guess so."

And thus, there was love making, to which I will not go into details, because for some, that may already be TMI.

Friday, we both got up and went to the store together, because I realized Thursday night I’d left the deposit laying on th counter.  So I went in, got it, and grabbed the stuff from the walk-in to help Drew set up for the morning.  I asked him a few times if he was sure he’d be okay, I’d stay if he needed me, etc.  But he assured me he was fine, he could handle this, just to come back at four.  So that’s what I did.  I’d intended on doing some errands while I was home, but yeah . . .  It didn’t work that way.  I conked out from around eleven when I got back to three, when I finally dragged myself up to take a shower and get to work.

When I was there, I was in the office at one point, and Kevin comes in and asks for the keys to Redbank.  He tells me that Redbank has an assistant now, so I didn’t need to come over there the next day.  Nope, instead, I’m going over to Ocean!  Oh, well, it’s better than Redbank.  Cuz I’m good, but I’m not fast, and Redbank, you NEED to be fast.  So Ocean is better for me.

When Saturday came, I got to Ocean, worked with Cowan, and Drew texted me a few times, asking how quick did I think I could get there.  I told him I was gonna let Eric, (Ocean’s manager,) know what happened to Drew’s shoulder, and I would get over there as quick as I could once he got there.  I knew Drew had to be in a lot of pain for him to be asking me how soon I could come.

I explained the situation to Eric and though he wasn’t happy, he didn’t complain.  He had the feeling they were gonna get slammed that night, but he understood about Drew.  I got out of there at about twenty to six and made it to Marlboro at six.  When I walked in, Drew was finishing up an order, but from then on, I was on the makeline alone.  Drew left after a couple hours and he was asleep when I got home.

Which brings me to yesterday.  I opened, and Drew got there about three.  Came in and semi-ranted about his ex and some stuff that happened between them.  Another fight, basically.  When he did clock in and clocked me out, orders started coming in, so I stayed a bit later and helped on the makeline and answered a phone call or two before saying goodbye and leaving for the night.  I stopped by the apartment to clear out my car, cuz I had thoroughly intended to do grocery shopping for the Thanksgiving meal I’m preparing, as well as just groceries in general.  Well, that didn’t happen last night.  I went to my parents’ house like I planned, and then Lindsay and I met up, went for Chinese food, came back to the apartment, and watched Jekyll and Hyde and the new episode of the Simpsons that I DVRed.  We talked, laughed, sang along with Jekyll and Hyde songs, I texted Drew when he asked me "So whatcha doing?"  And of course, somehow it got to talking silliness and him calling me a bug and saying I needed to be smushed and me saying ‘you would smush me after all the love and rump rubs I give?’  And once again, we go into TMI territory, so I shall stop there.

He did let me massage his shoulder again when he got home.  I think it’s getting better, because he’s not writhing anymore when I do it.  It causes him pain, but I think it’s also really helping.  Not that he’ll admit it, though, lol.  I did a nice long massage on both his shoulders, his back in general, and of course, his rump.    Then there was much other stuff, but once again, we go into TMI territory, so I shall shush.

Oh, one funny thing.  Saturday morning, the seventh, I woke up to hearing Drew singing, "I’m too sexy."    He didn’t know I heard him, and when I got up, I walked out of my room and too his doorway, looked at him and said, "So, are you gonna take your little turn on the catwalk?"  He looked up at me and then back down with this cute little funny-but-embarrassed smile on his face.

Oh, yeah!  And that Sunday, the 8th, he was starting to spazz cuz we had a million and one orders up on the screen and more calls kept coming in before we could make anything on the makeline, and it was all just semi-chaotic.  Normally when it gets like that, Drew starts yelling, slamming things, and throwing things.  Well, the 8th was the first Sunday after his ‘crossing the line’ night, and while yes, he yelled, he didn’t throw a thing, and he didn’t slam a thing.  I saw him once start to slam his fist on the counter, but he stopped himself.  So, he’s really trying to get ahold on his temper.  I’m so proud of him for it.

So, that pretty much covers things going on with me.  Drew and I are back together, he truly is working on his temper, and all in all, things are good.  I’ve claimed rights of making Thanksgiving dinner this year for Drew, my parents, and my uncle, and possibly Rob and Jess, but I still gotta find out what they’re doing.  Work hours are getting back to normal.

Okay, this is turning into the never-ending entry, so I should probably end off here.

Bye.