School, Work, And Life

Okay, so, I have a saga.  Lol, I always seem to, but I haven’t really been writing them as of late.  Anyway, back in July, Drew made it clear that he and I weren’t going to renew the lease for the apartment.  Yes, there was major emotional upheaval that instigated his decision, but in light of the financial situation he’s in right now, it’s actually a really good thing that we didn’t renew.  He moved in with his mom at the beginning of August and I stayed in the apartment until August was up and then moved back in with my parents.  It kinda sucks, but I’m dealing.

Well, I quit my job at the Domino’s franchise I was at, was offered a job at another Domino’s franchise at a store the first franchise used to own, and am working four days, with three days off to focus on classes and the rest of my life.  Because, yep, part of why I quit was so I could go back to Breookdale, finally get my associate’s degree, transfer, and work towards getting my bachelor’s in Creative Writing.  So far, it’s going really well.  Was kinda feeling panicked and overwhelmed the beginning of this week, cuz I had a paper due today, and I hadn’t finished the homework for Monday’s class until about two hours before said class starts, but I managed it.  I got the homework done, and after that class, went and typed up my paper for today, which was printed out and handed in earlier.

Drew and I are actually doing really well.  He’s officially divorced.  It was finalized on September 21st, and a bit less than a month before that, he and I were at Union Beach and he told me he realized he’d been taking his anger at his ex out on me, and there was no excuse for it.  Then, the day after my first Thursday class, so about three weeks ago? he texts me out of the blue with an all-caps "I’M SO SORRY FOR EVER HURTING U."  He said he realized that I’d always been there for him.

I know, for the people who know some of the more personal things about Drew and me, they think I’m being sucked back into something I should ultimately get away from.  And in all honesty, I’m glad I’m being told that.  I’m glad they’re saying to me, ‘Okay, look, I’m glad you’re happy, but I think you’re an idiot.  How long’s this really gonna last?’  Which is what two different people have said/asked me, though in slightly different words.  I’d rather hear that than ‘Oh, I’m so happy for you! I’m sure this time it’s real and you’ll be happy forever!!!!’

Yeah.  Thank God I don’t know people quite so fairy tale-ish.  I admit, I miss the romance factor and the whole idea of a perfect ending and whatnot, but I’ve learned I’d rather have a realistic view of relationships.  And I think I’ve accomplished that.  I don’t care for how everyone I know seems to be judging Drew; that, I feel, is very unfair.  I understand that friends of mine are going to be protective of me and they’re going to be indignant/angry if they hear that I’m not being treated right, which I must admit, on several occasions, I wasn’t.  But at the same time, nobody except Melanie has even met Drew, so no one has any right to judge his character based on what I’ve said about him.  He is the way he is for reasons, just like people learn to grow up suspicious of others, or completely trusting of others, or are very depressed individuals, or wishy-washy, or two-faced, or happy.  There are always reasons for why people are the way they are, and while I won’t go into the reasons that Drew’s the way he is, all I want is for him not to be judged by people who don’t know him.  In a recent conversation with someone, I was saying that no, he didn’t have any right to judge someone based on third person testimony.  And I’m sticking with that.  Perfect example, Mike’s brother.  Frankly, to this day, I can’t stand Dan.  He deliberately tried to break me and Mike up, he threatened me, he never gave a straight answer to anything, and those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head.  If anyone who didn’t know him asked me what I thought of him, they’d get an earful, and none of it good.

Yet, Melanie saw him as one of her best friends, for whatever reason.  That same person, approaching her, would get a completely different response to the same question.  But, who’s right?  You can’t say definitely one or the other, because he acted two different ways to two different people, so because of that, you can’t just take one person’s side and consider the other invalidated.

It’s the same with Drew.  Yes, I’ve vented about the times we’ve had arguments.  Stupid arguments, bad arguments, etc., but what about the other side of him?  Times were far from all bad.  And those times when things were good, very good, excellent, wonderful, I had nothing to vent about.  I just floated along on my Happy.  I’ll give that the bad times he and I have had aren’t necessarily typical of a relationship, but arguments are.  Every couple fights.  Every couple holds onto things that they should let go of.  Every couple has their history.  Every couple has things about their spouse, significant other, boyfriend/girlfriend, lover, that annoys them.  The key is how to work around those things and how to figure out compromise.

Mike and I truly have seemed to switch places in this regard.  He used to say that he believed you should stick by a person and allow them to change if they were trying, instead of just, "Yeah, you’ll never succeed," or "Yeah, call me if you actually manage that one."  Now, he’ll turn his back on them.  Me, on the other hand, I don’t figure they’ll never be able to change, and I won’t abandon them until they’ve accomplished the feat.  I’ll stick by them, being someone to say okay, they’ve come this far, come a little further.  Basically be a push they need.  Cuz if all someone has been subjected to in life is people leaving them for whatever reason, they’re not gonna learn.  But if someone sticks around and deals with their moods, and deals with them, and says, "Hey!  This is what you’re doing to yourself and to other people!" then maybe that person will learn.  And frankly, I decided a long time ago that I’ll be damned if I do the same things to Drew that every other person has done.  I truly don’t care what anyone else thinks about him.  He’s a worthwhile human being and someone I love, so I’m going to stick by him.

Yes, there are reasons that he’s been married and divorced three times.  There are reasons that relationships blow up in his face.  And believe me, I’ve more than adequately seen what those reasons are.  And I’ve also, through talking to his most recent ex, learned what she, at least, was unwilliing to do in the face of marriage problems.  As far as they went, when I talked to her and she was telling me different things about him, did you know that none of her complaints actually had anything to do with him?  There was nothing about, "Well, we’re divorcing because he’s not supportive."  Or "He’s not communicative."  Or, "He’s too wrapped up in work."  Not even, "Oh, he’s a horrible sexmate."  Nothing like that.  It was ALL about, "Well, my parents loaned him this money, and I wanted him to do this with it, but he did that."  And, "He spent this money on this and a week later, this came up, so he should have saved it and spent it on that."  Or, "He bought this guitar for X amount and then traded it in for X amount" (much lower.)

Every single complaint she had about him had nothing to do with anything about his personality or who he was.  It was all about money and how she didn’t like how he was spending the money that he earned, despite him making sure that things that needed to be paid were taken care of.  She actually said to him at one point that the money he earned wasn’t for him to spend on himself.  It was for the kids first, her second, and then, if there was anything left, that was his.  The kids first, I can understand, but the rest?  I’d have looked at her, said "F–K that," and left.  Which is essentially what he ended up doing.

Anyway, I should probably end this off, cuz I gotta leave here to go meet up with my parents and grandma for dinner.  I’ll probably write more when I’m here on Monday, typing up another thing for class.  Woo-hoo!  I can actually write more on here, and maybe catch up with stuff.  Cuz there’s another Matt story that took place right after the last entry about texts we exchanged.  Luckily, I haven’t heard from him since June.

Bye, all!