Ringo!!!!! (And Brookdale News)

I got a student I.D. yesterday so I can go on the Brookdale website and get psych journal things to use for references, because apparently the books I got aren’t good enough for the paper I’m writing.  Grrrrr . . . .

It frustrates me.

I called out of work yesterday.  To be honest, I just couldn’t deal with going.  Plus, I conked out probably somewhere around nine-thirty and slept till about five in the morning.  But that’ll help me out for tomorrow, because I found out some pretty incredible news on Wednesday.

RINGO’S COMING BACK TO THE ARTS CENTER THIS YEAR ON JUNE 27TH!!!!!!!  I am SO claiming front row tickets this year.  They go onsale at ten AM tomorrow, and I swear, I’m gonna get up at like, six in the morning and go there and camp out so that I’m the first one in line to get tickets.  I’m going to be in the A section, damnit!  And since the concert is 12 days before Ringo’s birthday, I’m gonna make him a birthday card, too, so I can fling it up on the stage during the concert.  And I’m gonna bring my "I Love You, Ringo" sign and a whole bunch of money to spend on the ridiculously expensive concert items, like T-shirts and key chains and posters and all that.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!  RINGO!!!!!!!!!!!

            

Okay, taking a moment to calm down . . .

EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Okay, I’m good now.

I got a catalogue for summer courses for Brookdale and I’ve preliminarily decided what I’m gonna take.  An education course and a psych course, I believe about human development.  They both fall undder the education requirement which is what I primarily want to go for, since a Bachelor’s in psych is up in the air again for me.  I think it’d be really neat and interesting to pursue, but I’m not sure it’s defintely what I want.

Interesting thing hapened on Tuesday, though.  I wanted to perform an experiment that I hope to submit as a unit paper to my psych class.  I did it on meditation and used Rob as a subject.  Well, the last thing I asked him to do before coming out of the meditation was focus on the feeling he gets just before a grand mal seizure hit him.  I asked him to try and induce that feeling.  He attempted and said his feet started tingling and he got a eadache.  When he focused on that, the tingling went to his knees.  When he focused on that, the feeling he was initially trying to induce started.  When he focused on that feeling . . . everything stopped.

And we did that two other times, not under meditation!  I believe we’ve defeated his grand mals.

But of course, there’s once again a damper on our relationship.  Honestly, I don’t even feel like I’m in one anymore.  I just don’t feel like I’m cared about by him as a girlfriend at all.  He’d rather be playing a video game with his brother, or something like that, than hang out with me.  I mean, when he comes over after work, by eight pm, he’s asking me, "Okay, I go home now, right?"  And it’d be fine if it was during a lull in conversation, but ‘ll be full swing into something, trying to get his thoughts on it, and that’s when he’ll look over at the clock, and "Okay, I’m gonna leave soon, right?"

Yesterday, after I called out of work, I texted him and asked if he wanted to hang out.  Instead of answering, he says ‘I thought you had work.’  I said no, he says when was I off, I said I was off now, and he goes back to the ‘I thought you worked today’ thing.  Finaly, I said ‘Oh, my God, can you just answer the question?’  That’s when he finally says probably not, he’s spending the day cleaning.  So when I asked him why he couldn’t have just said that initially, he says he wants to spend the day with his family.

Okay, I realize that other family members are around when cleaning is done, but they don’t exactly go hand in hand, especially if one person takes a room, someone else takes another, etc.

Anyway, I don’t remember how, but he asked if I was okay, and I said not really, but it wasn’t like he could help, because even if he did come over after hearing that, he’d be wishing he was back at his house.  Then he asked why I had to say things like that and I told him ‘Because it’s true.’

I just find it interesting that someone who claimed to care about me so much didn’t even have the sense of mind to ask if there was anything he could do for me, even over text message.  He never even asked me what was wrong.  And he never bothered to deny what I said about even if he was with me, he’d be wishing he wasn’t.  Which just proves to me that it was true.

It just amazes me how little people actually care about one another for the most part.  There are exceptions, but mostly, people just don’t care.

It also amazes me that people will hold so tghtly to people they’re related to, biologically speaking.  I mean, it doesn’t matter if a family member stabs someone in the back, betrays them, abandons them, lies to them, cheats them out of whatever, whoever the "them" in question is will forgive said family member.  Yet, if it’s a friend who has done all these crimes, that ‘friend’ is usually never spoken to again.  People slough off nefgative influences in friends at the drop of a hat, yet when a family member exhibits the same despicable behavior, most of the time they’re forgiven without even offering any sort of apology for the simple reason that "They’re family."

And yet, especialy when no apology is offered, that’s no reason to forgive someone!  I mean, I think it was Melanie, but someone would always say to me, "it’s his mom," when talking about Jason and why he doesn’t just get out of his house once and for all.  That is the dumbest excuse to not leave.  "It’s his mom."  So, what, because of that, she’s allowed to treat him like a piece of sh*t she scraped from her shoe?  Because she gave birth to him, he’s not allowed to have his own mind?

<p align=”left”>"It’s his mom" isn’t a reason to let her get away with that kind of crap.  Someone wants to throw the ‘it’s his mom’ line around, then it should be used in the correct context.  Someone wants to claim that they love their parent who does that sort of stuff to them, then they should report said behavior and do whatever it takes for the parent to get the help they need.  Help that, in Jason’s case, he acknowledged she needs.  People want to claim the ‘it’s his mom’ line is valid, well, that doesn’t mean pretending that everything’s fine when anyone with eyes can tell that’s a lie.  ‘It’s his mom’ should mean that he, and anyone around him, will do whatever they can to make sure she gets the help she obviously needs.

I agree with Almost a Sarah on one thing.  Respect and trust are things that are earned.  I do think that small measures of trust and respect are given out immediately.  When you meet someone, especially a someone with some sort of title, just the fact that they have a title commands respect.  You’re not going to belittle someone with a title of Sgt., based on the fact that you don’t know them, so why should you give them any respect, you know?  So they are given a measure of formal respect, much like you would do for anyone new you meet.  You shake their hand, you make polite conversation, etc.

Yet, for trust and respect to grow, it has to be earned by both parties.

And when someone screws over that respect and/or trust, I don’t think they should be given any, period.  That’s not to say it can’t be re-earned over time, but I see so often that people within families don’t work to earn it.  Especially with the parent to kid, they expect it, but don’t respect/trust the kids in turn.

And that’s what I see with Rob’s mom, and both of them when his dad was alive.  Rob thinks he has to give automatic respect, yet he never demands any in return.  Not to mention that he’s such a coward about speaking up for himself because (whether or not this is actually true,) he thinks that his family’ll get fed up with him and throw him out.  Basically say, "Well, if you feel that way, you shouldn’t stay here anymore."

Yet, in a completely contradictory manner, he’s the one who’s always spouting to me that "families stick together."  Oh, BS, if he actually thinks that they would throw him out for speaking his mind!

To be honest, I don’t think we’ll be together much longer.  It’s just not working.  And to be completely honest, I just don’t care about making it work.  I don’t think it’s going to, and I’d rather it just broke off.

I mean, since we started hanging otu again, not once has he called me of his own volition.  Not once has he taken the initiative.  It’s always been because he was calling me back, or he needed a ride, or something similar.  I don’t think he wants to be together with me.  I think his mom’s opinion is getting in the way of his judgment of what he wants, (whether to be with me or not, I don’t know.  He doesn’t seem capable of thinking for himself,) and he doesn’t have the guts to stand up and say "This is what I want, and your opinion be damned!" even if he did know exactly what he wanted.

Melanie was right.  I need to be with someone who’s not gonna shrivel up every time I speak my mind.  I need someone who’s a quick thinker who can and will come right back and either agree or argue with whatever points I’m coming up with at the time.  I need someone who will know to ask me if there’s anything they can do to help me.  I need someone . . .

I need someone who I actually believe wants to be there for me.  And I don’t believe that of Rob.

I find it funny.  Being in a long-term relationship, getting engaged, getting married, when people do that, they’re saying, "My family may mean a lot to me, (or may not, depends on the person,) but this person is who I’m building my future with."  The person they’re building a new life with becomes number one to them.  They’ll still value family, friends, etc., but the one they’re with is their number one.  The person they depend on, the one who will depend on them, the major influence in their lives because they’re the ones the person is starting a new family with.

Why is it that I, someone who is so past-oriented, have been able to look forward where a relaionship is concerned, and put that person as number one, but no one has been able to do that with me?