“Ooo, Ooo, Ah, Eee!”

I wish I could really let loose with what I’m thinking, everything I’m feeling, all of it.  But I can’t because Mike reads this thing.  My one spot where I thought I could have privacy, where he couldn’t penetrate.  Heh.  Having privacy on an online diary is actually a funny concept.

::Sighs::  Right now I just feel so conflicted.  Rob makes me happier than anyone has made me in a long time, but then there’s Mike who . . . doesn’t.  But who’s been so damned depressed during this season that I feel guilty for feeling happy at all!

Oh, well.  That’s just what private journals are for.  Pouring your heart out and knowing that the person you don’t want to read your words won’t.  And believe me, I’m doing my share of pouring right now.

Anyway.  This week was actually really good — for me.  Monday, I was going kinda insecure and worried-like about Rob and I’d given him a call and left him a voicemail just saying hey, it’s me, I was bored and wanted someone to talk to, and if he wanted, to give me a call whenever.  That must have been around four or so.

For the rest of the day, I was going out of my mind.  I figured he was at work so in an attempt to distract myself, I went online.  Hence how Melanie and I started talking and I asked if she wanted to hang out and just drive around for awhile.  That way, also, she could bring her camera and get a picture of that one house over on Takolusa and we could see that huge Christmas house display on Richards.  So, that’s what we did.  When I picked her up, she brought my Christmas gift, too.

That was the best!  I didn’t open it until we went to Barnes and Noble about an hour later.  I’d parked and she said before we went in that I had to open it.  So I did.  It was a photo album/scrap book set up thing with pictures from us bowling and little stickers with different sayings in them, and a page dedicated to the Princess Bride and all that.  It was great.  Honestly, I think that’s the best gift I’ve received so far this year.

Tuesday started out like any other.  Boring, me oversleeping, and me wondering where the heck I stood with Rob.  I don’t even completely remember what I was so off about.  But I didn’t have my car cuz my mom had driven it to work, so I decided to walk down to Staples and meet Mike there.  We did that and on the ay back, he tells me Rob had called him and wanted to talk.  Mike couldn’t cuz of work, but he said he’d call him back later.  So, I basically begged Mike to invite Rob over so that way I could talk to him and get what I needed to out of my system.  He did agree, finally, but before Mike could call him back, Rob called again.  He wanted to ask Mike about a rumor that he’d heard circulating Staples that Mike wanted to beat him up.  Apparently, at least the closing shift knows about this whole situation and one particular jack-ass-sounding guy is making trouble for Rob.  Anyway, Mike assured him that no, he didn’t want to do anything like that, and then did invite him over.

I went to go pick him up and we drove around for a bit, cuz I wanted to show him those two houses with the really cool decorations, and I had to pick up bird food for Mike and my mom had given me money for pizzas.  So we went to the different places and I saw Domino’s Mike on what I discovered was his last day.  I told him what Melanie said and he said to thank her for him.

(By the way, I remembered what it was I was all off about with Rob.  I still felt like he wanted to avoid me, but I wanted to tell him that I’d realized what my mistake was in the entire thing.  Two mistakes, actually.  One, telling him that I liked him when we barely knew one another and had only really hung out for a day and a half.  And secondly, after he said he wanted to just be friends, I made the mistake of treating him like any other friend that I consistently saw.  Which could easily have been seen as me still pursuing him, even though that’s not what it was.)

Rob and I came back to the house and Mike was saying how we should watch Batman Begins.  Not being into the whole "superhero movie" genre, I stayed down there, but I got my Phantom book and finished reading it.  I also went out to get drinks at Wawa, and as on my laptop for a bit talking to Shaun.  He was telling me how he’s a hundred and some odd days since a seizure and somehow that led to him telling me that his biggest fear for a while was having a seizure during sex.  I was doubled over my laptop laughing at that one!

(Oh, and the title of this entry relates to something that Mike and Rob were joking about.  I think I said something about why did we have to put in some action movie or whatever and Mike said some kinda line about "because they are simple manfolk!"  To which Rob responded with the monkey grunt which is the title.  Lol.)

I got off my laptop and the movie ended soon after.  I think Mike went to bed then, but Rob stayed for a bit and I showed him the Garfield and Peanuts Halloween specials.  Then when I drove him back, I told him about what I felt my two mistakes were in the entire thing.  And at his house, we just parked outside and spent an hour or so just talking.

Wednesday was much the same.  He called me at one point in the afternoon, (just when I’d started listening to Christmas Shoes, too,) and we talked for a good long while about music and lyrics and other misc. stuff.  I think we were also quoting the Princess Bride and I was saying how now I wanted to watch it.  So I asked him if he wanted to come over, too, and we could watch it together.  And once again, around seven pm, I went and picked him up.  We watched Princess Bride and then I was gonna show him Without A Clue, (Alfred from Batman Begins is Holmes in Without A Clue,) but I decided Young Sherlock Holmes was a better one to show him.  So we watched that and were about three fourths of the way through when Mike got back.  Rob and I were sitting next to one another on the couch and where does Mike choose to sit?  Right behind us!  I felt like he was purposely loming there to make sure we didn;t get too close or something . . .  He says he wasn’t and that it was just that he didn’t wanna sit next to my dad, but I don’t know.

After Young Sherlock Holmes ended, we were waiting for Inu Yasha to begin, but had to wait close to half an hour.  I found this cute Christmas-oriented episode of Jay Leno on, where this woman was bringing animals from the North Pole in the studio.  They had an adult penguin and a little baby one and I couldn’t help going, "Awwww!!!!  They’re sooooo cute!!!!"  Lol, it was so weird, cuz every time I do that in front of something cute, Mike looks at me and just says, "Nooo…"  (It’s sometimes just freakin’ annoyng, though, cuz it’s like, ‘you know, I didn’t say I wanted it.’)  But anyway, I said that and then Rob looks at me and says, "No, you can’t have one."  I just looked at him in surprise and said, "How’d you know?"

We all watched Inu Yasha, then FullMetal Alchemist.  Mike

went up to bed after Inu Yasha and I was the only one who knew what was going on in FullMetal.  And once again, not too long after, I drove Rob home and we stayed in my car talking for a good long while.