One-In-A-Million/What About Passion?

I always felt that I was one of those one in a million people.  What I wanted to do with my life required luck, being in the right place at the right time, passion, drive, all that good stuff.  I knew I was never cut out for the standard nine-to-five jobs . . .

I wonder what my life would have been like if my parents had encouraged my acting talent.  Gotten me into an acting school at a young age, given me the chance to learn discipline.  Because I’m realizing I don’t have any.  I don’t have any discipline, I barely have any drive.  I want to make things happen, but I don’t know how.

I haven’t broken up with Rob yet.  It’s coming.  I know it is.  Part of it is because of me.  Because I didn’t know exactly how NOT over things with Mike I was.  I should have taken the advice I tried to give Dolly and stayed single for awhile, really learned who I am, instead of getting into a relationship right away.  Why is it that Dolly and Melanie can meet great guys like Zeb and Matt and be perfectly happy and in love with them after coming off of bad relationships, and I can’t?  I mean, yes, I do think Rob’s a great guy.  But.

And it’s that "but" that makes all the difference.  Because I said part of this is because of me.  But part of it is because of him.

It doesn’t seem like he has any real passion.  He doesn’t stand up for the things he believes in.  For instance, I have no idea how widely spread a theory this is, but he’s a really big Nirvana fan, and he told me there was an episode of Unsolved Mysteries where it talked about Kurt Cobain actually being murdered, instead of having committed suicide.  When we were at a Chinese buffet place yesterday, I was asking him stuff about the whole suicide-or-murder thing and he was barely saying anything.  When I called him on that, he said that most people don’t believe/listen to a word he says about it, so he doesn’t bother.

I can’t believe that.  I mean, it’s his favorite band, and he’s not even standing up for what he believes happened to their lead singer?  Come on!  I debated with Ryan endlessly for awhile about the entire Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds thing, even when I felt he wasn’t listening/believing me!  And I did it because I’m not gonna listen to anyone ignorantly saying that the song is about LSD when their only basis for belief is "Listen to the lyrics," and "Well, didn’t they do LSD?"

(The Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds debate is this: in the sixties, they banned the song from being played because opfficials believed the song to be about LSD.  It’s a rumor that has stuck with the song through the coming generation(s), but is not true.  John got the title from a paitning that his at the time four year old son, Julian, drew in preschool.  He did the picture of a girl in his class, named Lucy.  When John asked him what the picture was of, Julian said, "It’s Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Daddy."  The name stuck in John’s head until he wrote the song that appeared as number 3 on the Sgt. Pepper album.  After the rumors began, though, John was so paranoid about other songs being mistaken in the same way, that he went through all their previous songs to see if their initials could be misconstrued.  The imagery and such that a lot of people use as "proof" that the song is about a drug trip, actually comes not only from John’s imagination, but was also influenced by Lewis Carrol’s Through the Looking Glas.  Specifically, the ‘Wool and Water’ chapter.  Oh, and a last note: while I’m not going to deny that the Beatles did do just about every illegal drug under the sun, and that of course means that they wrote under the influence of them, writing songs under the influence doesn’t mean that the songs are about drugs.)

Anyway.  Stepping off the soapbox now . . .  In a way, that’s my point.  I get riled up over someone pretty much insulting my favorite band because they’re insisting something like that LSD thing is true without knowing all, (if any,) facts.  So of course I’m gonna say something.  Who’s gonna know more, the one who’s been into the Beatles for just over a decade, (God, I’m old . . .) or random person B, who wants to make like they’re well-informed by spouting off with something like that?  Cuz I will say that for my age group, I’ve forgotten more about the Beatles than most of the people in my age group will ever know.

I digress once again.  The point is, I’ve got passion for defending them.  If Nirvana is Rob’s favorite band, (and believe me, it is,) why doesn’t he think they’re worth defending?