No Inspiration

I’ve really had no inspiration to write in here as of late. I mean, I just . . . I don’t know. I’ll see if I can write more here later.

Well, it’s officially later. I guess I haven’t had any inspiration because I truly do not know what to write. I’ve talked my head off about things with Jason in here, and frankly, I’m not interested in littering these entries with anymore about him. Yeah, I miss him. Or maybe who I thought he was. But you know what I don’t miss? The broken promises, the constant let-downs, the hiding, the sneaking around, the fact that whenever he drove in my car, he put the seat back because he couldn’t be seen with me. The more I think about it, the more I don’t know why I put up with it in the first place. He betrayed me, he betrayed Mike, he broke God only knows how many promises to me, and in the end, he did lie to me. “Not going to lose him easily.” Yeah. Sure. Tell me another one.

In other news, I’ve made a new friend. About three weeks ago at this point, Bryan and someone I assumed was his girlfriend came to Game Factory. That turned out to be Colleen, and she and I started talking there, we exchanged E-mail addresses and screen names, and they came to Game Factory last week, and are coming tomorrow. I’m glad, frankly, cuz she’s really cool. Not to mention the fact that I love that a girl is coming to Game Factory. Another plus, as well, she plays Magic and Yugi. I wonder about this week, though. Mike, Mike Keller, and Matt won’t be there because they’re going to Mike Keller’s to play this game that a friend of his actually created. It’s *sort of* like Risk, but it’s a five player game, and you play an ideal. Capitalism, Communism, and three others. And you exert your influence over different countries by these cards you have. And I forget how the points are done, but when you have twelve pints, you win, and especially with a five player game, it takes awhile to get to twelve points, because other people can contest your points. I played it twice, a while ago, just after Mike Keller had gotten a copy of the game. It was pretty cool.

I’m worried about Angel Knight. He seems to be near the breaking point, and frankly, it’s times like these when I would get into my car and drive up to see a person. But considering where he is, and where I am, that’s not my best option. The only thing I can do is provide words of encouragement, and tell him that the way he lives his life is worth it. It’s not a mistake. It may seem like it to other people, but you know what? They’re wrong. Anyone who tells you to just “suck it the f**k up and deal with it” is no friend. If they aren’t willing to listen with some amount of compassion, provide you the same courtesy that you would them, then what kind of friends are they? Once again, I say, if you need me, I’m here to talk to. Feel free to E-mail me, and ramble on as much as you like. I’ll read every word, and respond as best I can. I here, I’ll be an ear, and I’m a friend. You know, I wrote a poem awhile ago, during my junior year. Around this general time period, in fact. I’m gonna type it in here for you.

Hurting Heart.

He slammed his hand down on the arm of the chair,
Turned off his C.D. and fell into despair.

He squeezed his eyes shut so I wouldn’t see him cry,
yet one lonely tear, down his cheek, fell by.

I knelt down beside him, to comfort, to give
some kind of consolation, but just like a sieve,

it slips straight through his heart like the grains of sand.
My heart beats ever faster as I reached for his hand.
I smoothed back his hair as I knelt there beside him,
not knowing what to say to pull him back from the brim.

The very brim of insanity, of ultimate pain,
is where he was standing, but what would he gain?

I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say,
to let him know that I was here, that things would be okay.

I wish I could tell him he’s the one who has to start,
he’s the person, the only one, who can heal his hurting heart.

–Notes–

Bad news. Sundayis not good for Mom. I think she had some sort of family thing we were going to do or something. I hate this. Next week, I know we can hang out. I’ll put a fist through my wall if i don’t. YOUR KIDING!! I got that CD the day after you were here. Just my luck. Read my note to Angle Knight, this is JUST WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. Life has a sick sense of humor. later OrcDragon65 [OrcDragon65]
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RYN: thanks for it. I love when people stray into my OD. anyway, I have to agree with you on LOTR. I love it. Absolutely postitively. Anyway, my fav. 🙂 [Seremela]
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RYN: and I happen to use that Garnier stuff for my hair. It’s SUPPOSED to make your hair up to 5 times strongerl Softer, maybe, but I haven’t noticed any difference in strength. oh, grr. [HyacatDuncan]
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I just read that Angel Knight’s OD, and the one where that social worker said to erase the past 12 years of his/her/it’s life?? Ugh! I can see why you’re worried. BTW, I didn’t, until just now, realize that ORCDragon person was the Joey you’re always going on about. Am I dim, or what? [HyacatDuncan]
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He works at Walmart as of Tuesday. Grr. [HyacatDuncan]
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ryn: Oh? So, who do you suppose Kit is supposed to represent, then? We’ll see if you’re right, if I am completely transparent. [Dawn Spencer]