News As Of Late

There’s really nothing very exciting in my life anymore.  As little as three or four years ago, there was always some kind of drama.  Okay, more like six or seven years ago.  There was all the stuff with Jason, the whole triangle mess that happened with Rob, me, and Mike, the drama BS that would happen because of Rob’s parents . . .  But all in all, my life is pretty boring.  There’s my relationship with Drew, which yes, has it’s (sometimes major) ups and downs, there’s work, which I don’t even wanna bore myself writing about, and there’s . . . not much else.  Unfortunately, due to schedules, living areas, etc., I don’t get to see many of my friends a lot.  And those I do see have their own situations going on that, if I do hear about them, aren’t mine to share.  Though speaking of things not someone’s to share . . .

Heh.  Yeah, it still pisses me off that his ex decided to take it upon herself to hurt Drew any way she could and pull me into it as well.  I freely acknowledge, and will never try to say differently, that yes, I screwed up.  I shouldn’t have contacted her; I didn’t truly have the right to, whatever my intentions were.  I knew I was going behind his back with that one.  But I mean, conspiring against him???  Please.  It’s like, seriously.  We’re out of high school, grow the Hell up.  Though, from what Drew’s told me, she never graduated high school, so apparently, she’s stuck in that mentality.

Honestly, from the things that he says, and things I’ve heard from her . . . Well, backtracking a bit, he says that things started really going downhil for them after his son died and he got hurt.  (Drew was a plumber for a time, was making really good money, but then in May of 2003, he got hurt at work and was laid up for almost a year.  During that time, he couldn’t really hold down a job besides something simple, with minimal movement, and probably part time at that.  She had to go to work during that period, too.  If I’m not mistaken, it’s the only time she’s ever had a job, and that was part time as well.)  Anyway, they both blamed one another for Noah’s death, and then with Drew getting hurt, and being unable to continue as a plumber and therefore unable to provide her with the lifestyle she became accustomed to, things fell apart.  I think that instead of actually loving Drew for who he is, she fell in love with the lifestyle he was able to give her.  Their son dying and then Drew getting hurt tore them apart, because suddenly, he was no longer able to give her that lifestyle she’d grown accustomed to, and resentment turning to hatred had set in in both their minds/hearts.

More than that, as well, I think that she had the idea that whatever she didn’t like about him, she’d be able to change after they got married.  The things that I’ve heard about her and then when I spoke to her those two times, something just screamed that she never accepted who he was.  That the things she didn’t like about him she just swept aside, figuring she’d bide her time, and once there was a ring on her finger, she’d change whatever she didn’t like.  Make him change to suit her and what she wanted.  Cuz the way she talks about him now . . .

I went for a loan from the bank not too long ago.  It was while we were still on the rocks.  I was rejected, unfortunately, but I talekd to my parents and they agreed to co-sign a loan with his information on it, for the same amount I was going for, which is what he’ll need to take care of the divorce.  Hopefully, with my parents’ names on it, we’ll get the loan.  Then, he can (finally!) be done with the divorce.

We were over at my parents’ on Sunday and talked to them about the loan thing that night.  When we were driving back, (Drew drove the both of us,) we were about five minutes from the apartment, and I asked him what it would mean for us when all this was done.  He said that I could talk to my mom and get my Nana’s ring.  (Last year, when I gave him the seven hundred to do the divorce and my parents talked to him about ‘his intentions’ and all that with me, my mom suggested to him that if he was going to marry me, not to buy an engagement ring, to use the one she has of her grandmother’s.  But I thought of one (to me) better.  I actually knew Nana, so what about her ring?  I talekd about it with Drew and he liked that idea, too, saying it was how people did it in olden times.  Passing a ring down through generations and all that.)  I looked at him, and said, "Really?"  Then I thought for a second and asked, "Now, is this because you want to do it, or because it’s what you think I want?"  He said it’s what he wants, but he hopes I want it, too.  I said of course I did.  Then I asked him why.  And he said, "Cuz I love you, you pain in the butt!"

See, I don’t doubt we’re gonna have our rough patches.  I don’t doubt we’re gonna have more fights.  But surprisingly enough, he seems willing to believe I’m different.  Willing to believe that maybe, just maybe, he can give a second chance to someone.  Willing to believe that maybe omeone can make a big mistake, yet still be worthy of trust.

Heck, in a way, that kind of happened yesterday.  I guess Drew’s ex brought the girls over to Drew’s mom’s, (and I guess without even telling Drew she was doing it,) and she said something to Drew’s mom about how Drew called his ex a gold-digger.  When his mom told Drew that, he texted me and asked if I’d talked to his ex again and said the reason he’s asking is yada. yada. yada.  What I put above, with the whole gold digger thing.  I texted back, saying no, I hadn’t, the only times I talked to her were Feb 24th, and March 10th.  Then I said I didn’t have any contact information for her in my phone, it was deleted, because I was not going to make that mistake again.

And I’m not.  I tried my best.  I talked to her, but it didn’t work out the way I planned, and unfortunately, it blew up in my face.  Luckily, nowere near as bad as it could have.  Yes, things were bad for a bit, but luckily, Drew and I managed to argue, fight, and finally talk our way through them.

I hope that he’ll continue to talk to me, continue to at least try to open up.  And I hope that we’ll continue to work on the compromise issue.  I am glad that on Friday night, I asked if I could sleep in there with him, and he agreed.  I’ve been sleeping in there ever since. 

He’s no longer definite about moving out.  This is a relief to me.  To be honest, I don’t want him to.  And I’ve said that to him.  I don’t want him to and I hate that he might.  But I’m not going to say anything one way or the other about it, because if he moved out, he’d be moving in with his mom, and that would have advantages for both of them.  His mom, he’s said he thinks she’s afraid to live alone, and she needs the financial help.  Him, he’dbe able to save more money, (if he actually put it away,) because she only wants to charge him seventy a week, plus he’d be there to help her, and they can actually have a good relationship for the remainder of her life, instead of the estrangement they had before his dad died.

Like I said, I hate it.  I don’t want to lose him as a roommate.  But then, I’m also not going to force a choice on him between me and his mom.  First off, knowing him, even if he didn’t want to move in with her, the fact that it was me who presented him with that choice would mean he would automatically not pick me.  Even more than that, it’s not a choice I can make for him.  But even if he does choose to go live with her, I do have faith that we’ll still be together.  I think (and hope!) that I’ve shown him throughout the past year that I’m not one easily lost, and I hope he meant it when he said we’re good together.