My Thoughts Once Again On Suicide

I’ve realized, the more I think on things, the more my views have become so logical and at times, cold.  Such as my views on suicide.  When I saw the thing in my previous entry, it got me thinking.  I mean, even people who hate the very notion of suicide have probably had suicidal thoughts.  I know I definitely have over the years.  But the one thing that kept me going was rubbing it in all those kids’ faces that yes, I would succeed.  That they’d be sorry they ever made fun of me cuz one day I’d be better than all of them.  And now what drives me and keeps me going even at my lowest points is that I still have novels to write and complete and publish.  And no one else can do that for the Ivy series.  And if I don’t finish This is the Moment, no one will ever know who the culprit is.

But to think of some of the reasons why people go suicidal is honestly appalling to me.  Because they’re having a hard time at school.  Because they’re having problems with a boyfriend/girlfriend or that boyfriend/girlfriend left them.  Because they think they have nothing to live for.  Then there’s the ones who just cry wolf.  They claim they want to commit suicide simpy to get the attention that it’ll inevitably bring them.

A) Okay, I can semi-understand the hard time at school thing.  I mean, our schools have become a lot more violent since I graduated.  Heck, even when I was still in high school.  There were the bombings, shootings, and all that.  People bringing knives and all that stuff to school.  I can see how in that kind of situation, where it is a potential fear that you could go into school and get shot or stabbed, how someone turns to suicide to get away from that simply because they’re that afraid.

But then there are the people who went through what I did.  Everyone in the school making fun of them, making them feel worthless, and all that.  Yeah, you know what?  It makes a person feel like crap.  It makes a person have no self-esteem, no self-worth, it makes friendships very hard to come by and trust even harder to come by.  But it’s not worth killing yourself over.  Yeah, it’s hard to make it through things like that, but seriously.  You see those kids for twelve years of your life.  While you may have to deal with others like them throughout your life, there are other people in the world.

B) Frankly, that’s despicable.  The more I think about romance and stuff like that, the more things in the aftermath annoy me.  I mean, I hate all the romance songs out there — okay, good example — the song Invisible, by Clay Aiken.  I love that song, but I HATE the line, "I am nothing without you."  And I hate it because lines like that in songs help to keep people in that sense of loneliness, or hopelessness.  And it’s just plain stupid.  Yes, someone is going to be upset when they’re dumped, or the dumper, or cheated on, or left, or whatever, but you know what?  If the person wasn’t nothing before they were together with that person, then why are they nothing now?  You know?

I’m not saying that I don’t believe in love, but the cold, logical side of me thinks that it’s incredibly stupid to put so much of your self-worth into another person that when they leave, you’re practically destroyed.  I’ve been there.  It’s not fun.  Yet suicide never came to mind, because I still didn’t forget the goals I wanted to accomplish before said guy came into my life.

C) I can’t believe that there are people who honestly feel they have nothing to live for.  Well, okay, I can believe it, but I don’t accept it.  Everyone has something to live for, whether it’s a career, a dream, etc.  I pity those people who think that they have no meaning in this life.

D) Those people are disgusting.  Crying wolf about suicide just to get attention.  It’s despicable, stupid, and cruel to do that to other people.

I know that I’m generalizing things in here and some who read this might not find it fair.  But while I can imagine some scenarios and/or mindsets, I can’t comprehend the reasoning behind such an idiotic action.  I mean, how does one get so low that they don’t realize how much pain and all that they’d be causing other people?

I said once before that I didn’t consider suicide selfish just because of how low the person has gotten.  Yet now I’m on the fence about it.  I think in some cases, selfishness is definitely a part of it.  I mean, what else can you call it when someone tries to kill themselves over a break up or something of the like?  I mean, what?  They actually think that because they aren’t with their boyfriend/girlfriend anymore that no one else cares?  How stupid and selfish is that?

Yet in other cases, I don’t know.  Like I said, I’m on the fence.  Oh, well.  I should go.

Bye.