I’ve Become So Bitter . . .

Why don’t you laugh with me the way we used to?
Why don’t we hang out anymore?
Why do you look away when I speak?
Why are there silences in gaps between us?

Why don’t you invite me to parties you throw?
Why don’t you ask me to movie nights you have?
Why am I purposely left out?
Why did you choose him over me?

Why do you tell me it was not a choice?
Why do you tell me you’ve listened to us both?
Why do you lie to me?
Why don’t you know the truth?  You haven’t listened.

Why do you say that you’ll stick by us both?
Why do you not believe me?
Why do you see me the way that you do?
Who’s controlling who?

You don’t laugh with me because nothing is funny.
We don’t hang out because we have nothing in common.
You look away because you don’t want to see the pain.
You let silence lapse because there’s nothing to say.

You don’t invite me because you want to drift away.
You don’t ask me because you think I’ll stay.
You leave me out because you say I don’t belong.
You chose him because you say he does.

You tell me it wasn’t a choice so there won’t be guilt.
You say you’ve listened to us both to reassure yourself.
You lie to me because you think it’s better that way.
You do know the truth; you just won’t face it.

You say you’ll stick by us both to fool yourself.
You don’t believe me because it’s easier that way.
You see me the way you do because that’s how he’s portrayed me.
He’s controlling you.  And you don’t even know it.

You can’t even think for yourselves, not when I’m at stake.
You can’t imagine what his actions have done to me.
You don’t even care to find out.
Believing him is easier, therefore, it’s what you do.

You let me think you were my friends.
You let me believe in what I thought we had.
You turned your back on me for him.
You killed my belief, you took my faith.

Hypocrites.

I wrote this on May 19th, 2003.  Amazing how it still reflects so much of what’s true now.  The "he" is different, but it still remains true.