Interesting Times And Heart-Wrenching Situations

Yeah . . .

To be completely honest, I don’t even know where to begin.

Drew and I are on hold, until he gets some things settled with his life.  But God only knows if we’ll ever be anything more than friends, considering he’s now seriously saying he wants to leave the state, that he’s not meant to have a relationship with anyone, that he’s meant to be alone . . .

I understand how he feels, because I’ve felt the same way.  Not through the same situation, but through the same emotions.  That’s the main thing that’s giving me the strength to cope with all this.  I just wish I knew how to help him more.  Hell, I wish I knew how to help him at all.

The funny thing is, he treats me pretty coldly at work, most of the time not even really looking at me, let alone talking to me.  And it’s not because he wants to avoid me because he knows I still have feelings for him.  Well, it may be partly that, but I think it’s mostly that he’s not over me.  Ed said on Friday that Drew was.  That any shot of romance was dead, Drew didn’t feel that way anymore, yada, yada, yada.  So Friday night I said to Drew, "Was Ed right when he told me you were over me?"  And Drew asked what I meant by over me.  I said something like ‘us being anything more than friends.’  And Drew doesn’t say yes or no.  Instead, he tells me that ‘all we can be is friends right now.’

There’s so much more, but I can’t write about it right now.  I don’t have time.  Long story short, though, I am okay; nobody needs to threaten to kill him; yes, I still love him; no, I don’t know if he loves me; yes, I am sure he still cares about me; no, I don’t think he wants to admit that fact.

I’m not going through an emotional blender.  True, I’ve cried over things concerning him, but I think my tears were more for how much he’s hurting and what might never be between us because of that hurt.  In any case, I’ll be okay; it’s him I’m worried about.  So, if you’re reading this and you pray, please, pray for him.  And if you don’t pray, keep him in your thoughts.