*In Response To Notes*
Lol. Okay, it might be overplayed, but still, it’s a good song. Plus, I wouldn’t know if it were, since I listen to tapes in my car all the time. It may be an ’88, but still.
Anyway . . . rereading my last entry. Hang on a minute . . .
Okay, reread it. I don’t really have much to vent about right now, except a new note that I saw. I don’t mind notes, especially not some of the ones I’ve been getting, but this one and another one bothered me. You know why? One was an insulting disgusting comment about one of the people I did a slam book on, and this new one . . . Well, here, you read it and judge foself.
"YOU started ignoring many of your friends unless there was some benefit in it for you, and THAT’s when they started drifting away. . . How long has it been since you called the people you’ve named just to see how they’re doing?"
I started ignoring them, unless there was some kind of benefit for me? Yeah. Right. Okay, sure. I’d say the better question is how long has it been since I’ve known any numbers to call any of the people I named. I don;t remember who I specifically mentioned in that entry, but let’s see how many I can name now.
Shannon– went off to Stockton and never gave me a number, address or anything where I could reach her. Sure, I’d see her online, but mostly with away messages up.
Melanie– been there, done that, and everyone, including me, is sick of mentioning it.
Dan– if I’d ever wanted to contact him, which wasn’t likely, then or now, it’s not like I would’ve been able to call him, either. He lives with another family, and their phone is ALWAYS busy. Even now, when they claimed to have fixed that. Not to mention that he actually told Mike not too long ago that they never bother checking messages when someone actually does get through.
Denny– I did keep in contact with him to a limited degree. But we lived different lives, especially with him still being in high school.
Dolly– if I did mention her, which I don’t think I did. Things went kaplooey with her the night before they did with Melanie. (Which is probably part of the reason I didn’t exactly keep my cool there.)
I can’t think of any other people I would’ve named there. I don’t know if I named all the people who are above. I just hate that someone had the gall to type that to me, and yet didn’t have the guts to put their name. Or at the very least, their diary name.
I don’t know. I have my suspicions of who it is, but I don’t really care. If they want me to know who they are, they’ll come forward. If they don’t, then oh, whoopee. My diary’s being read by someone else I know, and someone who I probably have next to nothing to do with. As odd as it sounds, I don’t mind. I half wanted this thing to be found by the people who I’ve written about in here. I don’t know how they found it, if Melanie may have told them, though I doubt it, or if they just found it through that one note I left one Dan’s. At least there, I had the guts to go through with leaving the note, name and all.
But at least this means those people are reading what I have to say, even if they aren’t realizing what everything has done to me. Or are denying it, stupidly claiming they have no responsibility in how I feel.
Again, I don’t know. Heck, I could be going on about a complete stranger who just happened to write a note that caught a nerve. Not a sharp one, but just an, "Eh. This is annoying."
Well, enough about that. Actually, I’ve had something else on my mind. Something that Melanie wrote in her entry entitled, "Kate."
(I’m an idiot. She didn’t tell anyone! Or if she did, it doesn’t matter. I left a SIGNED note on her diary, and all of them check hers out, so of course that’s how they know!! Sorry, Melanie, if you’re reading this. I didn’t mean to point any fingers at you. I’ve just grown all the more suspicious lately. Though I’m sure you already guessed that.)
Anyway, her entry. She said we’d grown into close friends. You know, I never knew that. I never knew until reading that, and probably some things she’s said recently, that she considered us close friends. I always thought that we were a lot alike, and could probably be best friends, assuming we hung out more often than we did. But I never felt close to her. Well, I never felt the two way closeness. I felt I could tell her a lot of things, but that when asked to do the same, she couldn’t. That some mental defensive blockade would stop her. I don’t know if I’m correct or if I’m even in the ball park, but that’s what I’ve always thought. I wanted to be closer to her. I wanted to be closer to a lot of people. Which is what, ultimately, separated me from so many. Ironically.
Well, I want to end this entry, and go have some more of that mac and cheese Mike and I made last night. It came out good!!
Bye. 🙂 🙂 🙂
–Notes–
I was just going to remind you that you signed the note you left *lol* I must honestly state that you are very paranoid..and concerned about who could be reading what you write… I must ask you why you keep a diary if you worry about that. I never worry about that, I write what I want no matter what. I guess that is the way I am in person as well. Despite what you think, I did tell you alot about myself. I just don’t tell too many personal details about myself to many people. I just close off sometimes. But I did confide in you quite alot. I just don’t have much to say anymore..and honestly, you and I have both noticed the weirdness in conversation now that the past issues have been resolved. It’s weird trying to find something else to discuss..now that all that is FINALLY done with. [SolarEclipse]
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Hello!
I like your diary, and I really like the colors too.
Come check my FOD too and drop notes!
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You drifted before all your friends grew up.