I’m Just Gonna Keep Adding As I Get Questions

*~* Melanie’s questions *~*

1.) Are you ever going to forgive Dan wholeheartedly for the issues you two had? I honestly couldn’t say. I’ve had other situations where I thought I’d never forgive the person, or I was just too angry, but I have forgiven them. Will is a perfect situation of that. I never thought I’d forgive him, but I have, and thoroughly moved on. So, who knows? We’re still alive, so someday . . .

2.) Why did you and Mike break up? I hate this question. ::sighs:: Okay. I said I’d answer honestly, so here it goes. ::fingers start shaking:: Mike’s and my relationship started going downhill after his mom left. We’d get into arguments, because frankly, I honestly hated the woman back then. I’m not fond of her now, but scarily enough, I understand more of the reasons behind her leaving, because I’ve felt them myself. Anyway, we’d get into arguments, and that put a strain on our relationship. Then, things with Dan started happening, and though I honestly can’t understand it, he was torn between familial loyalty and loyalty to his girlfriend. Well, we’d argue about that, because he kept making me these promises about how h’d get Dan to apologize, and he’d take care of things, and he was there for me, yet every other day, it was, “This’ll blow over soon.” “He’s really a good person.” “He’ll come around.” And I’ve never seen any of that, because all I saw was him threatening me, or whatever. Well, the more that went on, and the more I separated from everyone else, the angrier and more depressed I got. And Mike moved in, and he was always here, and our relationship began to resemble more of a ball and chain than boyfriend and girlfriend. He, instead of showing any strength himself, would always assume I was falling apart if I broke down in front of him, and would start panicking himself. I’d end up comforting him, when I was the one who so badly needed a hug, or a stable presence, or whatever. Eventually, it got to the point where when we had an argument, I’d just say, “Leave me alone!!” but he never would. He wouldn’t LEAVE, and it drove me insane, because when I’m angry, the last thing I want is the person I’m pissed at to be there in the room, refusing to leave. Well, I think a year ago, December, I wrote a letter to Mike, saying how he needed to make changes in himself, and start keeping his promises, because we wouldn’t last as a couple unless he did. He talked to me after he read it, saying that there was something he needed to say to me. I’d . . . become physically abusive to him. Those times when I would tell him to leave me alone, I’d end up hitting him, punching, whatever, when he wouldn’t leave, because I’d just get that angry that any means of getting him away from me was worth it. Once I realized that he was right, I was horrified. I’ve said how much I hate abuse, and I’d at least started to become exactly what I so despised. I don’t do that anymore, and haven’t in a long time. I never want to become that person again . . . It was in March when I realized I had no feelings for Mike whatsoever anymore. Love, romance, whatever, just wasn’t there. Thankfully, he finally accepted that, because he was bringing me down with the ball and chain feeling.

3. Why do you consider me one of your best friends? I consider Melanie to be one of my best friends because she is. She’s been honest with me throughout a lot, since the day we reconciled a year ago January. Until recently, I never truly felt that she did see me as a person close to her, who she’d go to. But then, about a week or so ago, she IMs me, saying “Men suck!” And ranted some on a guy she knew when I asked what was wrong. That was when I knew that I was close to her, and I’d always felt, for whatever reason, that we could be best friends if we put the effort into it. I don’t know. I just have gotten this inherent feeling of TRUST from her, and when I get that from a person, they’re someone I value. She’s been there for me, listening, giving advice, accepting advice, and it truly means a lot to me. After I thought I lost Dolly, I never thought I’d have another female best friend. I never thought I’d get close enough to Melanie to become a best friend of hers. But I have, and I know that, and it’s not something I’ll forget, or treat, lightly. Because it’s a very humbling and pride-full (yeah, those two are opposites, but oh well,) thing to know that you are part of the reason someone has renewed their faith in trusting females. **

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*~* Red Again Finnegan’s questions *~*

1.) What are you most proud of in yourself? That I’ve managed to get close to the people that I have. Someone who, because of a very bad experience with a girl, never thought she’d put any major trust in a female again. And someone who just . . . doesn’t let people in. But then, I am the exception for him.

2.) When you are old, what do you wish you can say you accomplished? One thing definitely comes to mind: I want to look back and know that I published my novels, and have made a difference in at least one person’s life because of them.

3.) Would you rather love someone with all your soul and they not love you, or be loved like that and you not love in return? I’d rather love someone and not have them return it.

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**Oh, and by the way. Though she says she doesn’t get involved in most things that don’t concern her, she *yelled* at Jason over IM to contact me, because she knew how bothered I was by the fact that he hadn’t in two months. Yeah, he’d have contacted me anyway, but still. It was nice to know that she did care enough to IM him and say that stuff. Yeah for us short people intimidating Jason! Lol. J

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*~* Angel Knight’s questions *~*

1.) Are you happy with who and where you are in you’re life? Right now, yes. I think I am happy with who I am. Right now, I feel a bit like I’m in limbo about where I’m going in life, so I’m going to try to improve that.

2) What is true power to you? True power . . . Wow. This is a good one. I think true power to me is knowing yourself well enough to listen to others arguments, criticism, etc., and if they’re right, being able to change or adapt within what they’ve said while remaining true to yourself. Because if you lose yourself in the process, then what’s the point?

3) Does love have to mean dating to you? If not, what does it mean? Technically, this is two questions. J Anyway, though. No, love doesn’t have to mean dating to me. Love, to me, means that . . . this person is a kindred spirit to your own. That they’re someone you . . . feel, if that makes any sense. You know when they’re happy, you know when something is wrong, you can just tell things from a glimpse of their eyes. Romantic or not, being in their arms feels . . . right. And, assuming you didn’t mean romantic kind of love, if you get the chance to kiss this person, assuming opposite sex, it’s enough to send you into orbit.

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*~* Jill’s question’s *~*

1. You say you always wanted to be pre

tty thin & popular. Have you ever tried doing anything to change your physical self in order to accomplish these goals, and if not then why? I wanted those three things when I was in grade and middle school, specifically. I never believed back then that there was anything I could do about my weight. My mom was always saying “Well, if you lost even ten pounds . . .” but she never told me how. And yeah, I’d put effort in in gym class, and I’d run and play kickball, and all that, but it didn’t make me thin. As far as prettiness goes, I’d heard so many people telling me how ugly I was for so many years, and literally, if you’re ugly, what can you do about it? Plastic surgery? Yeah right. Plastic surgery for a ten year old. As I got older though, I realized that while I’m no supermodel, I’m no ogre, and looks became less important. Maybe I’ll never be what I’ve considered “gorgeous” at least in the past, but I’m more content with my looks now. As far as popular, well, I was the Beatle girl of Raritan. What more need be said? Lol. Popularity depends on respect and power. By deciding to follow my own path, I gained their respect, and in doing so, gained a measure of power because they couldn’t control me. I was original, and followed my heart. Thus, leading me straight into popularity, because everyone knew about the “Beatle girl.” **

2. Knowing you have the want & potential to do great things, why don’t you really start trying to put ur talent to use or go to school to pursue ur future goals? Because my future goals are in the careers that you can’t really gain college experience for. I want t be an author, and in my experience, that career is a make or break one. Maybe I’d be more respected if I could say, “Yeah, I have a Bachelor’s in English,” or some such, but I honestly have no interest right now in pursuing college credits. Maybe I will in the future, but right now, I just want to write. The second creative writing class I went to actually smothered my writing instead of helping it. I didn’t like that. I get writer’s block enough on my own. I don’t need a class that’s supposed to help flourish my writing, in actuality, smothering it.

3. Y do u no longer consider Mike 1 of ur best guy friends? Because while we still talk, and have serious conversations, I don’t feel as comfortable telling him personal things as I used to. We’ve drifted apart since we broke up, to whatever degree, and I’m closer to other people now. I still consider him a friend, but not as close.

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**Also, as far as the “pretty. thin, and popular” thing goes, when I was a kid, I’d always equated pretty and thin to being popular. I know better now.

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*~* Shannon’s questions’s *~*

1. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why? Geez. Okay, it’d probably be some kind of emphatic telepathy, because that way, I could know how a person feels about something bad or whatever, and be able to help them through it because there’d be no questioning how they feel..

2. If you could change any one thing in your past, would you? What would it be? why? I’d definitely change one thing. I was always, (and I do mean always. This goes back to me being a baby!) uncomfortable when I was around my grandpa, because of the fact that he was blind, and then later, because he had his strokes and was in a wheelchair. If I could change one thing, I’d overcome that fear, uncomfort, whatever feeling, and talk to him. Ask him about himself, learn things about his life.

3. If you found a magic lamp and were given 3 wishes, what would they be? (and ya gotta follow the Disney wishing rules, no bringing people back from the dead, no making people fall in love, and no wishing for more wishes.) 1.) I wish I could go back and talk to my grandpa, even if it was just one good conversation. 2.) I wish I could give Jason a better living arrangement. 3.) I wish I could get Dolly out of her present situation, and give her some happiness.

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*~* Dolly’s question’s *~*

1) What’s you’re biggest regret, in all your life? Geez. I’d have to say that my biggest regret is a tie between things I did my eighth grade year to this one guy I knew, and not talking to my Grandpa when I had the chance.

2) Have you ever been so depressed you could taste your tears even when you weren’t crying? Yes. In December, this past year. Everything with Rusty and with Jason was piling up on me, and I knew that Rusty was dying, I thought I was losing my best friend, and I was just waiting for the tears to come. I knew eventually both things would just . . . hit me.

3)What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done to another human being? God . . . You don’t ask the easy ones, do you, Dolly? I think . . . the worst thing I’ve ever done to another person was when I sent that subject line E-mail to Melanie. Yeah, she came over IM, pissed at me because of an E-mail I’d sent her that I didn’t know would hurt her feelings, and we had an argument, but I didn’t have to snap like I did. I’d had a horrible night the night before that, the day was going badly, but I made the conscious decision to hurt her as much as I could. The choice to deliberately hurt someone like I did. That, on top of anything else I could think of, is probably the worst thing I’ve done.

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*~* Joey’s question’s *~*

**Side Note** I don’t know if he wants the third question posted on this site, but if he doesn’t mind, I’ll post it here later.

1. How far would you go to get revenge on Dan and all that bastard has done to you? (Lol. Yeah, he doesn’t like Dan either.) A year ago, I’d have said any length, any stretch, whatever it took, because frankly, I wanted him to pay. He hurt me that much, and people questioned MY trust, MY integrity, MY intentions??? It hurt to find that out. Besides, no one should get away with messing with someone else’s head like that. But, now, I’d have to say I wouldn’t do much of anything. While, no, I don’t like him, and I’m never going to be foolish enough to trust him, oddly enough, I don’t regret going through what I have. It’s given me a true sense of not only who I am, and what I’m made of, but who my true friends are, and how deep trust can run. Oh, yeah, I hate that I went through it. I hate that I trusted someone who put me through that, but I made it through it. And as far as emotionally, if you make it through something and move on with your life, “whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Besides, I do believe that somewhere, somehow, one day, he’ll get his. Because what goes around will eventually come around to him. And the more malicious side of me won’t be at all sorry to see him greatly humbled because he realizes he’s not the God he seems to think he is.

2. Have I ever hurt you in anyway? No. You’ve been a friend to me, whether by superficial means, or deeper means, for awhile now, and you’ve been nothing but a supportive, helpful, funny, and kind friend of mine. You’ve helped, if not get rid of, then continue to diminish, many of the insecurities I’ve harbored.

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*~* Jess’s questions *~*

1) What is your favorite curse? I don’t really curse anymore. I mean, have someone tell you that he made a promise to his (now dead) grandfather who he such a large amount of respect for, and who probably never said anything stronger than “darn” in his life, and see if you don’t feel a pair of heavenly eyes glaring at you every time you say a curse. But, yeah, if people even consider it a curse anymore, probably “damn” or “Hell.” Those are about the only ones I say anymore.

2) If you could be any person living or dead..who would you be? Geez. Um . . . Okay, do fictional people count? Cuz in that case, I’d probably be one of the characters from Lord of the Rings. I have no idea who, though . . .

3) If in fact Heaven exists..what would you like God to say to you? I’d like Him to tell me why. Why bad things happen to good people. Why some people are closed off. Why some people have everyone on their side when they’re such jerks, and the good ones have no one. Why . . . Just, why. To so many things.

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Stregadiva’s questions

1.) What is your favorite song in the whole world and why? Geez!!! This is probably the hardest question yet! Well, in truth, the first song that really comes to mind is Bring me To Life by Evanescence. I love that song because it describes how I was a little over a year ago. Numb… without a soul… All of that. I know, it seems an odd reason, but I guess it’s because I can look back on that song, remember that time period, and know that I got past it. I survived, and I’m stronger now for it.

2.) Why do you cry? Because I’m upset, or angry to the point of tears. Because something horrible has happened, and I need some release, but nothing comes, so tears flow to the surface.

3.) What makes you feel happy? Knowing that the ones I care about are safe. Knowing that I’m happy with my decisions throughout a day. Singing makes me feel happy. Drawing, hanging out with people I care about. Being hugged. Knowing that I’m cared for.

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embracelife’s questions

1.) If you had to choose that you could never hear some one say they love you or feel the one you love touch you, which would you choose and why? Well, I have someone in mind with this question. We aren’t together, but I’d rather never hear him speak another word, than not be able to hug him, put my arm around his shoulders, know how it feels when his arm is around mine, or even the annoying things, like him poking me, or tapping my nose.

2.) Would you live your life over from birth if you could? Ironic, that I get these questions now, considering my three most recent entries. I may live it out from birth, just to see the kind of person I’d become if I realized things about myself earlier.

3.) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? Liverpool, England. Because I am he biggest Beatle nut. I’d love to see the Cavern, and go on the Magical Mystery Tour, and everything there is to offer there.

–Notes–

Awesome answers, I’m liking you more and more everytime I hear from you! [Angel Knight]
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1. You say you always wanted to be pretty thin & popular. Have you ever tried doing anything to change your physical self in order to accomplish these goals, and if not then why? 2. Knowing you have the want & potential to do great things, why don’t you really start trying to put ur talent to use or go to school to pursue ur future goals? 3. Y do u no longer consider Mike 1 of ur best guy friends? [Jill*Rose]
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sorry for the abbreviations on my last note. i had to squeeze it into the 400 character limit. [Jill*Rose]
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*chuckle* unfortunately, I live in Canada, a place called Ajax that’s just outside of Toronto… and I don’t know how much knowledge you have of Canada but it’s in Ontario, that’s right above New York! [Angel Knight]
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my diary is now Favorites Only! come on over. 🙂 [Nora’s Diary]
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Very nice. RYN: I think my life’s purpose is to be the best physician I can be, to be the best father I can be, and to be a better man and make sure everyday that those I love know it. I have added you to my favourites list. Cheers. [Red Again Finnegan]
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Hm… An odd question, and not for the survey. I read your… um… shall we say spirited message to this Eric person, and you say he’s abusive. But here you say you were abusing this Mike. And it sounds pretty verbal and emotional, as well as physical. How do you justify that? Have you been trying to make it up to him or something? This is if he even still talks to you after all this, I know, but [Swimming In Circles]
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assuming he does, are you treating him better? [Swimming In Circles]