I Talked To Mike

Under the guise that I’d found something of his and wanted to send it directly to him but wanted to give his dad or whoever a heads up, I managed to get Mike’s Grandma’s phone number.  I debated for about ten minutes before getting up the guts to actually call.  The first time, when I got the machine, as always, I just hung up because I chickened out.  But a minute later, I called back and when I got the machine, I started to leave a message, saying that if Mike was available, could he call me back and I began to leave Rob’s cell number when his grandma picked up.

I asked if Mike was available and about five minutes later, he came to the phone.  We talked, me bursting into tears as soon as I tried to say anything.  I think I’m going to keep this private for a while, though.  Suffice it to say things weren’t as bad as they could have been.  They aren’t as good as they could be.  And in other ways, they’re a whole lot worse than I could have imagined.

Yeah.  I’m confused.  Big surprise.  But at the same time, I also feel a lot better.  And I’m glad I do.  I was going nuts before I just got up the guts and called.

I agreed to give him space, so after tonight, I’m not even attempting to contact him.  I told him when he wanted to, if he wanted to, he could leave a note on my diary or my myspace and we could take things from there.  I don’t know if it’ll happen.  I don’t know yet if I want it to happen.  I don’t know much of anything in this except for a couple things and one question that will probably never be told to anyone.

I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I have too much on my mind right now to focus on those things to any real degree.  Yeah, I feel better after talking to him, but thinking too hard about that stuff still has the ability to tear my heart out, and that’s something I’d rather spare myself, (and Rob,) from experiencing.

::Sighs::