His Most Endearing Quality Is The Most Damning…

Walking In A Winter Wonderland

Sleigh bells ring
are you listening
in the lane
snow is glistening
A beautiful sight
we’re happy tonight
walking in a winter wonderland

Gone away is the bluebird
here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song
as we go along
walking in a winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He’ll say: Are you married?
we’ll say: No man
But you can do the job
when you’re in town

Later on
we’ll conspire
as we dream by the fire
To face unafraid
the plans that we’ve made
walking in a winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman
and pretend that he’s a circus clown
We’ll have lots of fun with mister snowman
until the all the kids knock him down

When it snows
ain’t it thrilling
Though your nose gets a chilling
We’ll frolic and play
the Eskimo way
walking in a winter wonderland

Walking in a winter wonderland
walking in a winter wonderland

For me, anyway . . .  Yet, I wouldn’t like Rob without said quality.  That explanation’ll come later, though.

I have to write two entries for all this, just cuz there’s so damn much.  Either that, or I’ll fill up the entire space limit in this entry.  Which may just happen with this whole mess.

The night before last, I was sitting in the dining room, thinking to myself what to do over the situation with Rob and concerning Mike.  I’d talked it over with Melanie and we’d both agreed that Mike had to be talked to about the entire thing.  And one other thing that I’d said to her was that there were mannerisms of Rob’s that reminded me of Jason, Jason’s good points, so I wanted to make sure that any attraction I felt was towards Rob, not what I was reminded of about him that made me think of Jason.  Because I refused to use someone like that.  I just couldn’t do that to him.

Yet, the more I thought about it that night, the more I realized that I hadn’t smiled the way I was then in a very long time.  I’d say over a year . . .

So, I decided, you know what?  Let me write him a note, we’re hanging out Thursday (the next day,) at Game Factory and I can give it to him that night before I drop him off, once I have things figured out.

I picked him up around two and we actually wound up at Veteran’s Park for a long time, just hanging out at the park near the baseball field and volleyball net, (where the most pathetic game of volleyball I’ve ever played took place.  Sorry, Melanie.  Lol.)  We talked, swung on the swings, I spun on the merry-go-round and was standing in the middle while Rob spun me.

We were there for awhile and standing near the swings, me facing the woods with the lake to the right and him facing the woods near the road and suddenly he points and says, "Hey, look."  I turn around, and there are two deer!  We actually followed them past the volleyball net and around the other side of the baseball field.  When they disappeared into the far woods and jumped over a fence, though, we gave up.  As we were walking back to the playground, I asked him how a guy like him’s never had a girlfriend.  He said he didn’t know, then said something about did I want to help him find one and I kind of shrugged, mentally screaming, "MEEEEEEE!!!!"  But saying, "Well, are you interested in anybody?"  listening very closely for his answer, prayng for the off-chance he’d say me.  But of course, he didn’t.  He just gave a sort of "Eh," sound, which seemed to indicate to me that there wasn’t anyone in specific.

Well, we went back to the merry-go-round and I sat there for a few minutes and then said I needed to get something and could he wait there.  (I’d brought the letter with me so at least it’d be in the car when I dropped him off that night.)  So he said it was okay and I took off back to the car to grab it.  (He told me later he thought I was getting gloves.)  Anyway, I got it, I handed it to him and he said something like "Okay, this wasn’t what I expected . . ."  Then he asked if it was something bad.  I settled back down on the merry-go-round and said I hoped not.

Oh, yeah.  As I handed it to him, I said, "I was gonna give this to you tonight but, well, I’m impulsive, so . . . yeah."

Anyway, he read it.  It basically said that I was better at writing than I was speaking, so assuming he could decipher my chicken scratch hand writing, this was easier.  Then I said that even though I was a big supporter of honesty and such, I had trouble actually following that at times.  And I know I said more in that paragraph, cuz in the next one, I said, "Okay, now that I’ve probably confused you completely . . ."  said something about how I’d just say this outright.  Then I skipped a line, and wrote, "I like you."

The rest was basically just that no matter his decision, if he decided he wanted to remain just friends, I was okay with that, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeporadize our friendship.

At first, he said okay, why not?  Basically sort of a let’s-go-for-it attitude.  But the first question out of his mouth was, "How is Mike gonna deal with this?"  All I could honestly tell him was, "I don’t know."

Yeah, that was a big ol’ red light right there.

But the rest of the day was nice.  We didn’t kiss or anything, but at one point, I surprised him when I went up and put my arm around him.  He kinda laughed and said not to surprise him like that.  Then we were looking at that bug statue playground thing and he asked me, "What do you think he’s thinking?"  And I looked up through my hair at the eyes of the thing and said, "That you should put your arm around my shoulders?"  He did and then said, "So this is what it feels like . . . to hug someone outside your family."

Plus, he also surprised the HELL outta me when we were standing near that bug

thing.  For some reason, we were talking about Singin’ in the Rain and Gene Kelly and all.  I remember, I was describing the day Dolly, Pat, and I saw Phantom and how we did the Moses routine on the ferry.  He’d never seen Singin’ in the Rain, bt knew the song.  Then he started singing this other Gene Kelly song called ‘I Like Myself,’ from It’s Always Fair Weather.  I just stared at him, my eyes wide and my mouth open, compleyely shocked that he knew that song.  NO ONE I know has ever known that song!!!  Not unless I’ve played it for them, anyway.

When I was talking about Phantom, I sang my two favorite stanzas for him, too.    Love Phantom . . .

At different points during the day, we’d hold hands as we were walking, which was nice.  But I think thing that was apparent on both our minds was Mike.  There was more to the conversation about him at Veteran’s, I just don’t feel like typing it.  I’m gonna do enough repetition of it in the next entry.

Anyway, we came back to the house and were hanging out for a bit when Mike and Denny came back.  I went and got pizzas for us, saw Domino’s Mike, and Steve, and Nina.  Made the pizzas myself, which is always cool.  I came back, passed out the pizzas, and we started playing Mario Party 3.  I finally won it, despite not getting a star so that Rob could get it.  (Yeah, I admit, it might have had to do with this crush, but it was more that last night was the second time he’s played Mario Party 3.  I swear, the guy lives under a very selective rock.  Lol.)

Anyway, Mike went up to bed soon after and Rob, Denny, and I stayed downstairs for a bit talking about horror movies.  (I CAN’T BELIEVE THE TWIST THEY PUT IN SAW 2!!!!! Rob saw it, cuz he didn’t want everyone asking him had he sen that movie and he’d have to say no.  And I said, yeah, I wanted to know the ending.  Makes me wonder what the Hell they’re gonna do with the third one . . . )  Then we said we’d walk Denny home and Rob and I would walk back and I’d drive him.  (He lives within freakin’ SPITTING distance of FunTime America!!!  Lucky . . .)  Lol, well, Rob said, "Yeah, great, we’re gonna walk, at midnight, after talking about horror movies."  (Man, that sounds like me!) But I just said, "Eh, there’s three of us, we could take ’em!"  We walked Denny home, talked outside his house for a while, then walked back and were staring up at the sky, looking for constellations besides Orion’s belt.  Lol, we couldn’t find any.

I drove him home and came back here to daydream.

But also to consider the one big, (HUGE) hinderance in any kind of relationship happening between me and Rob:  Mike.

Cuz Rob, he flat out said he didn’t want to hurt Mike.  Heh.  And unlike someone else I can think of, Rob would stick to that.

And I’ll continue the rest of this in the next entry.