Help In Old Places

Never Again
By: Kelly Clarkson

I hope the ring you gave to her
Turns her finger green
I hope when you’re in bed with her
you think of me
I would never wish bad things
But I don’t wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words
I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you’d say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try make it all okay

Does it hurt
To know I’ll never be there
bet it sucks
to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife Oh, how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he’s through with you
And he’ll be through with you
You’ll die together, but alone
You wrote me in a letter
You couldn’t say it right to my face
Well, give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt
To know I’ll never be there
bet it sucks to see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
Never again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

Does it hurt
To know I’ll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
you knew
exactly what you would do
Don’t say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I Never Will
I never will
Never again

 

 

Well, I had a pretty good entry typed out, but then when I saved the box thing to see if it would work, it erased everything I’d written.  ::Sighs::

I was reading over some of Melanie’s old entries a few days ago, back duiring everything she went through at the hands of Ken and Lee, as well as some of my older entries during the last time I saw Jason.  They helped me gain some more much needed perspective in this whole thing with Mike.

And to be honest, the more I think about it, the more I realize, he hasn’t changed at all.  He knew from the onset that I was calling for closure.  So I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find out that his answers and responses were tailored so that I would feel like I had found said closure, he’d still believe what he thinks happened, and I’d go away all the faster.

He’s different, all right.  I honestly don’t think this Mike Vroom cares about what’s right and wrong.  He proved to me on the phone that he still doesn’t care about getting both sides of a story before making his judgments.  He’d mentioned something about if he ever saw Andrew again, and just let the obvious threat-aimed-at-Andrew hang in the air.  Then he asked me if I knew what rape was.  I said of course I did, and he said something about ‘apply that to emotionally,’ or some such, and that’s what Andrew did to Jill.

I don’t buy it and I told him that.  I don’t think Andrew is blameless, but I do think that she has more fault in the entire thing, what with her being the one who cheated on him and lied about it.  I also think that Mike’s view is completely unfair and biased, because he’s only heard one side of the story from the ‘poor girl who suffered at Andrew’s hands.’

Please.  He wasn’t involved in the whole situation between Andrew and Jill and he has no right to judge Andrew when he’s only heard half of the story, and a sob story version of it at that.

Not to mention, the whole thing is over and done with, it’s been over and done with, Andrew’s moved on and is actually happy in the relationship he has now, so why should he have to suffer something from the past on the offchance that he and Mike see one another?  I mean, seriously, if she’s still complaining about "how badly she was treated," then she needs to grow up and move on.  And if she’s not still complaining about it, then Mike needs to grow up and move on and realize that just because you’re pissed about the half of a story you heard, that doesn’t mean you’ve heard everything or have any right to judge what the person should or shouldn’t suffer.

Oh, well.  I already know he’s not going to contact me.  And the more I think about it, the more grateful I am at that realization.  If just talking to him on the phone and in an IM got me to the point I was a few days ago, then it was ridiculous to ever hope we could be friends again.  I don’t need that kind of emotional roller coaster in my life.  It’s better if people like him aren’t anywhere near me.  That’s why I decided that, even though I know he won’t, if he ever does contact me again saying we can be friends, I’m gonna tell him no.  Because I don’t need "friends" like him.  With a friend like him, I wouldn’t need any enemies.  The enemy would be standing right next to me every time he was around.

Unlike Melanie, who was proven who her real friends were when Ken and Lee finally came public with their treachery, I haven’t been proven who my friends are in this whole thing.  I haven’t even been proven who they aren’t.  And I don’t like that sense of uncomfort that comes along with that knowledge.  But I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got.  And I suppose that’s all anybody can do.

I’d said a few days ago that I was saying "I don’t know what to do," and that I haven’t actually said that and meant it in years.

I know what to do now.  And I’m back to being okay.

I think the song says it all.  Never Again, Mike.  She wants to believe you, it’s her loss, her stupidity, her turn to be duped.

As for me?

Never again.